15 First Dates
by Purity Black
Summary: COMPLETE! Scott has a fight with Jean. Cue alternate dimention dementia. Can he get back to the normal world or will he keep having to wake up next to some one new?
1. Jott or Scogue?

Disclaimer: Jean threw the disclaimer at Scott. Make up your own.

"You have to be the most _selfish_, _inconsiderate, _sexist _pig_ I have ever met!"

Scott ducked as the iron he'd bought for Jean's Christmas present and wrapped up lovingly, thinking about how her eyes would light up when she saw the thoughtful gift, whizzed past his head. For a moment he thought he'd avoided it, then it curved around and hit him from behind, knocking him to the floor.

"An _iron_? You bought me an _iron_?" Jean brandished the wrapping paper at him, possibly the only person he knew who could make that look threatening.

"I-I thought you needed one…"

Not the right thing to say. Jean bent down and shoved the paper down his throat. "Are you saying I look _rumpled_?"

"No!"

"All I wanted was a nice gift! Jewellery maybe, chocolates, some expensive trinket. And you buy me an _iron_?"

The Christmas tree levitated in the air and flew at him with deadly force. Scott dived away and decided it might be prudent to get the hell away from the mansion until the holiday season was over. He ran for the door, dodging the various things flying at his head, and fled. There wasn't even time for him to stop for his car and besides, the keys were in the same room as his temporarily psycho girlfriend.

About a mile from the Institute he slowed, trying to catch his breath. He couldn't go back to the mansion without being dismembered. Where could he hide until New Years?

The Brotherhood house? No, he didn't want to be ridiculed even if they did let him through the door.

Danielle Moonstar? No, he didn't know her that well.

Forge? Now that was an idea. He could hide out with Forge until Jean calmed down and then the boy could keep in touch with the X-Men and see if his girlfriend was still pissed.

Tramping through the crisp winter snow, he made his way to Forge's place. The house was illuminated by fairy lights and a deceptively jolly Santa was climbing the roof. With a sigh, he knocked on the door.

"Scott!" Forge threw the door open, the sweater with a reindeer on making Cyclops shudder. "Come on in!"

"I need a place to hide," said Scott as he made his way inside.

"You came to the right place," replied Forge. "My parents went to visit my Aunt this morning and I decided not to go in case I freaked her out. I thought I'd be all alone with the liquor collection!"

Half an hour later, the boys were deep in a bottle of Jack Daniels and Scott was staring morosely into his glass. "I thought she'd like an iron. I'd like an iron. Who wouldn't?"

"Girls are strange," said Forge, topping up his glass. "You buy them an iron, they think it's an affront to their femimim – their femininin – their rights."

"It was a good iron too." Scott frowned as he considered all the expensive extras. "Not your run-of-the-mill crap iron. A good one. Wasn't even on sale."

"Thass the risk you run when you date." Forge glanced down at his sweater. "Maybe you should have bought her one of these."

"I juss wonder, it's not like she's the only girl in the world," slurred Scott. "Plenty of girls would give their, their…"

"Teeth?"

"Yeah, their teeth to date me, and those other things, you know, pink…"

"Hairdryers?"

"Yeah hairdryers. Just to date me. Rogue was interested once y'know. Warm for my form. Bet she'd like a hairdryer. I mean, iron. Bet Gambit bought her something cheap like, uh, flowers. Or stole something. That's not romantic like an iron."

"Hmm." Forge was getting an idea that would have seemed stupid had he not been so drunk. "I've got an idea. I've been working on an invention that takes you into alternate worlds. I bet we could set it to girlfriend."

"What are you saying?"

"I might be able to send you into an alternate dimension where you're dating Rogue."

"Really?" Had he been sober, Scott wouldn't have considered it, but Jean had really hurt his feelings, not to mention his head, by throwing his present at him. "Let's do it then!"

Forge vanished upstairs and came back with a gun that looked surprisingly like a pink hairdryer with add-ons. "I've set it to girlfriends – just one thing. You're taking over the body of some one else, some other Scott Summers, so you have to pretend you've always been there, no matter what, or else you might destroy the universe. Got it?"

"Yeah yeah. Don't destroy the universe." Scott waited for Forge to fire the hairdryer/gun at him, enveloped in a blue light, feeling his molecules tingle…

"Ready?"

"What?" Scott decided that the tingly molecules had to be down to the whisky and nodded. "Yeah, ready. See what life would be like if I was _appreciated_."

Forge fired the gun and Scott vanished.

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"Oh crap." Scott opened one eye blearily as the early morning sunlight filtered onto his face. His mouth felt like an elderly baboon had urinated in it and his head pounded.

"Poor baby." He felt a soothing hand on his forehead. "You want me to get you some coffee?"

"Yeah," croaked Scott, remembering the weird dream he'd had the night before. How far fetched had that been? As if Jean wouldn't appreciate his iron.

"Ah told you not to drink it all at once."

Something about the voice wasn't quite right. Scott rolled over on the bed and found himself looking not at Jean but…

"ROGUE!?"

"Who else?" Rogue climbed out of bed stark naked and in spite of the weirdness of the situation, he couldn't help checking her out. "OK Dorian, you can stop it now."

Scott sat bolt upright, ignoring the bolt of pain in his temples. "DORIAN? What the hell is that kid doing in here?"

Rogue gave him an exasperated look. "How else would we get it on? Dorian stays in here and keeps mah powers turned off."

"He _watches_?"

"He sells videotapes to the kids at school. Ah have to admit, ah never imagined losing mah virginity wearing a demon mask and a pink Afro wig."

"That's _disgusting_!"

"That's what _ah_ said, but you said no one would know it was us. I dunno about that actually, the New Recruits have been giving me some funny looks lately."

"This was my idea?"

"You're the pervert." Rogue paused as she was putting on her robe. "You're acting like you never heard of this before."

"I…" Scott suddenly remembered Forge's warning, he wasn't allowed to change things or let on that anything was strange or else the universe would explode. "I'm just hung over."

"Ah'll say." Rogue shooed a sniggering Dorian out of the door. "Ah was a bit nervous about getting Dorian in the backseat of the convertible and doing it on Lookout point, but you were right about the stain-resistant seats."

"Oh my…" Scott ducked under the covers and cringed. After Rogue had left the room, he cringed some more. Then when she came back with the coffee, he drank it in a hurry and decided to get dressed. Surely he wouldn't be in this crazy dimension for long.

He pulled back the blankets and screamed.

"What? What's wrong?" Rogue gave him a look of concern.

"_What the hell is that thing in my cock_?"

"It's the piercing ah got you for Christmas. You said you wanted one. Ah know it's a bit swollen, but ah told you to go easy and would you listen? Three times is too many on a new piercing."

Scott jumped out of bed and looked in the mirror, taking in the long dyed hair and various facial piercings. "_I'm a Goth_!?"

"Are you sire you're feeling OK?"

"Gotta go see Forge!" Scott bolted from the room, leaving Rogue staring after him. He fled down the stairs and almost crashed into Jean at the bottom.

"Scott," she said sternly. "How many times have you been told about running around naked?"

"Uh…" Scot suddenly realised he'd forgotten to put on pants. "Never?"

"Never, yeah right." Jean crossed her arms and frowned at him. "I don't mind what you and Rogue and Dorian do in the privacy of your own room, though I can't say I approve of a little boy watching your depraved shenanigans, but I really don't want to see you waving that thing in my face – is that a piercing?"

"No! Well, uh, yeah. But…" Scott trailed off as Sam wandered over and put his arm around Jean.

"You do know it's snowing outside?" Sam attempted to look concerned but Scott knew he was secretly sniggering. "You might want to protect the family jewels."

"Thanks for the concern, Cannonball." Scott glared as Sam kissed Jean on the cheek. It was OK for him to see what life would be like with a different girlfriend, but he certainly hadn't wanted Jean to be dating some one else. He'd rather expected her to be pining over him.

Rogue stormed down the stairs, carrying a pair of PVC pants. She threw them at him angrily. "Put those on. Ah don't want the whole mansion seeing what they're missing. Ah don't know what's gotten in to you today Scott, but after the whole 'iron for Christmas' thing, you're on thin ice!"

Scott looked doubtfully at the pants as the other three walked off without him and began trying to pull them on. It took him a while, but he finally managed it. Feeling a little ridiculous, he hurried out of the door and ran to Forge's house.

"Scott?" Forge looked confused when he saw who was at the door. "What are you doing here?"

"I gotta tell you something." Scott pushed him into the house. "You used your stupid alternate dimension gun on me and now I'm a Goth!"

"You mean you're from another dimension?" Forge looked pleased. "I knew that thing would work!"

"And now you've got to send me back!"

"I dunno Scott. I mean, I don't know what alternate-me was thinking when he tested it – was he drunk?"

"Very."

"Figures. I might screw up."

"Look, you set it to girlfriend. Couldn't you just do that again?"

"Perhaps. But don't blame me if it goes wrong." Forge went off and got the gun, still resembling a pink hairdryer with add-ons, from his room.

"Before I go," said Scott hesitantly. "What am I like here?"

"Probably the same as you are in your own world. You like goofing off and racing your motorbike, getting into fights, wearing make-up…"

"Enough already!" Scott wondered what the hell he'd been thinking. "Just send me home. Back to a world where I'm dating Jean."

"Jean? You?" Forge laughed. "Cannonball's the leader of the X-Men, smart, funny, clean cut – why the hell would she date you?"

"Shut up Forge."

"OK." Forge noted the ingratitude and made a minor adjustment to the guns setting. "Ready to go?"

He fired the gun at Scott and in a flash of blue light Cyclops vanished.


	2. A Row Of Pink Tents

Thanks to:

LadyEvils – I never thought of Scott changing gender, but now you've suggested it I think I'll use it! Thanks for the idea.

Furygrrl – Send me my monthly booze ration and I'll not only send constant updates, I'll also dance on tables and sing badly! Did you think I was going on a Jott kick? Not likely. I got the idea for this chapter off the list you sent, so enjoy!

Lyranfan – The iron will be a recurring theme, in any universe Scott has no clue when it comes to buying pressies. And you guessed one of my secret characters for an upcoming chapter! Won't be up for a few days though.

Rogue14 – If the last chapter was weird, just check this one out, lol. I managed to get over my problems with the site and figured I'd try something else humorous.

Raphaella – That's how I talk when I'm drunk (except with more "sherioushly dude, I love you!" in there) and I thought I'd put it in. I was rather taken with the idea of a naked Scott running the Institute too!

Tara – Hope this chapter is up soon enough for you! I do worry if I'm funny, so it was nice to get praise for it.

A. Ceretta – I just tried to think of the item I least wanted for xmas and there was the iron – hell, I barely use the one I already have! I'm having fun with this fic so far and I'm glad you are too.

Enfant-terrible – Hope things have gotten better for you at home. I'm glad you liked it! Scott with an intimate piercing just seemed so wrong, I had to put it in there!

Disclaimer: Santa baby, slip some X-Men under the tree, for me…

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Scott awoke and didn't dare open his eyes in spite of his protective night-glasses. The last adventures he'd been through were still fresh in his mind, the whole 'penal piercing' too scary for him to even check.

He had his arm around some one.

He moved his hand and examined the other person carefully. Slim, girlish hips. That was a start. Jean had slim girlish hips. Soft skin. That was good too. Obviously a great deal of attention to moisturiser. Encouraged, Scott let his hand trail lower.

That was when he encountered balls.

"Fuck!"

Scott had never been much of a swearer, but he felt pushed to it. He opened his eyes wide as he tried to propel himself backward. The boy he shared a bed with was familiar…

"What's wrong lover?"

Scott gulped. "Puh…Pietro?"

"You were expecting Jean Grey maybe?" Pietro pushed his hair out of his eyes.

"Pietro?"

"What's wrong?" Pietro looked concerned. "Oh my god, is my hair a mess?" A second later he was stood in front of the mirror, checking himself out.

"What the hell am I doing here?"

"Don't ask me." Pietro turned back to him, pouting and naked. "I thought you wanted to get back to the mansion before anyone knew you were gone. Guess you fell asleep."

"I'm due back at the mansion?" Scott thought about it for a moment. "Hells bells, Logan's gonna kill me!"

"Of course, you could always move in here, with the Brotherhood." Pietro made an attempt to bat his eyelashes and Scott shuddered.

"I don't think that's wise."

"You can be such a bummer," said Pietro. "But I forgive you."

"Uh…" Scott tried to remember that he could blow up the world if he said the wrong thing. "How long have we been…"

"Eight months!" Pietro spun on the spot and Scott tried not to look at his wildly flapping dick. "Eight glorious months. I know you have a problem with anniversaries, but you could remember our eight-month anniversary! I made oysters! _And_ I bought chocolate sauce and you know how hard it is to get that stuff out of my sheets!"

"GAAH! Uh, I mean, oh yeah." Scott wanted to get the hell away from the conversation. "Well I guess I ought to get back to the Institute."

"Sure you don't wanna stick around? I'll make it worth your while!"

"Uh, no. Thanks." Scott tried hard to remember that he couldn't let Pietro know he was from another dimension or he might blow up the world, but it was difficult when the boy was stark naked in front of him and trying to talk him into bed.

Pietro sighed and pulled his pants on. "I'll take you home."

"You have a car?"

"You're such a tease!" Pietro threw Scott's clothes at him and waited for the X-Man to get dressed before picking him up and speeding out of the house.

_I'm never gonna live this one down_ thought Scott as he shut his eyes. For one thing he was easily six inches taller than Quicksilver and they made a strange looking couple.

"We're here!" Pietro stopped abruptly outside the Institute gates and deposited Scott back on the ground. The New Recruits were outside having a training session and giggled when they saw the pair.

"Uh, thanks Pietro." Scott rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "I guess I'll see you later…"

Without warning, Pietro wrapped his arms around Scott and stuck his tongue down the boy's throat.

Scott immediately panicked and disentangled himself. "People are watching!"

"You're so cute when you act all shy!" With a coy wave, Pietro sped off to the Brotherhood house, leaving Scott to face the X-Men.

With a sigh, he pushed open the gates and heard the New Recruits begin cheering.

"Way to go Scott!"

"When's the wedding?"

"You're so _cute_ when you're all shy!"

"Alright, back to training." Logan shooed the sniggering teens away. "Must you two do that in front of the kids?"

"Uh, sorry," muttered Scott, embarrassed beyond belief.

Logan gave him a funny look. "Are you feeling alright? You're not acting as camp as usual."

Thinking quickly, Scott assumed the campiest pose he could think of, including cocked hand. "I'm just _peachy_ Logan." He hurried toward the mansion before he could get himself into any more trouble.

"Where the hell did my camp alternate leave his car keys?" Scott rifled through the drawers in his bedroom but turned up empty. "I guess I'll just have to walk to Forge's house."

He walked out of the room and ran straight into Jean and Rogue.

"Don't tell me," said Jean as she took in his somewhat dishevelled appearance. "Pietro forgave you the whole 'iron for Christmas' thing and you spent all night with him again."

"Well yeah, it was a rather – wait, why are you two holding hands?"

"Well duh, we're in love," said Rogue rolling her eyes. "At least we don't feel the need to have our hands on each others butts while we walk around the mall, unlike you and your boyfriend."

Scott wanted to shudder at the image, then realised exactly what Rogue had said. "You mean you two are _gay_?"

Jean and Rogue exchanged glances. "Are you sure you're feeling OK?" asked Rogue.

"Of course we're gay," added Jean. "That's usually how it works."

"Can I watch?"

Scott realised his mistake about two seconds after the words left his mouth, by which time it was too late to take them back. Jean narrowed her eyes and telekinetically lifted him up, hurling him backward against the bedroom door. Scott lay in a heap on the floor, groaning softly as the girls stormed off.

"Gotta find Forge," he muttered as he got to his feet. A world where he had to sleep with Pietro was not a good place to stay.

_Although…_

Crushing the thought, he hurried out of the mansion and to Forge's place, banging on the door to get the other boys attention.

"Scott?" Forge was still wearing the reindeer sweater, proving that Forge had no dress sense in any universe. "What are you doing here?"

"I have to explain this again? I'm from an alternate universe and it was your gizmo that sent me here, via a universe where Rogue and me were in video porn. You have to get me home!"

"I knew that thing would work!" Forge let Scott into the house. "You mean you're from a world where you're dating Rogue?"

"No! I'm dating Jean!"

"Wow. Weird." Forge went out of the room to get his gun. Scott eyed the machine suspiciously. "Set it to _girlfriend_. Think you can get me back to the right world this time?"

"I'm sure I'll do it right eventually."

"Eventually? You'd better not send me to a world where I'm dating Fred!"

"You'd better not be dating Fred," said Forge with a sniff. "He's all mine!"

Scott was still screaming at the thought when Forge shot the gun at him and he vanished in a flash of blue light.


	3. The Fairer Sex?

Thanks to:

Lyranfan – A Fred/Scott chapter? I think that can be arranged…

Furygrrl – Ooh, I'll have the cats pee! I've seen that, but never tried it and I was always planning to become a Cat Lady and scare neighbourhood children. Ahem. As to humour, I've unearthed a fic I wrote even before Manipulating which made me laugh and I'm gonna put it up after I finish with this (in tandem with 'And I Feel Fine').

Lizzi – Glad you liked it!

Tara – I'm glad you liked it but I ought to warn you that all the chapters will run on those lines. It's kind of a filler fic. But I will be trying to find new and interesting ways to torment Scott!

A bIg Jott Lover – Scott has to get back to his own world sometime and he's pining for Jean, that's kinda Jott I guess. But I'm putting it to the vote. What the majority want, they'll get!

Rogue14 – I've been asked for a Fred chapter so you know he'll turn up sometime – but not here. Glad I was able to disturb you!

Holy Cow – I love your screen name! And I'm glad you enjoyed the fic (although I bet everyone else in your house isn't!).

LadyEvils – Your idea will be in the next couple of chapters and I too found the idea of Forge and Fred really disturbing!

Raphaella – I liked the idea of Scott suddenly realising he's in bed with a guy, I can just imagine him freaking out!

Todd Fan – Scott's only gonna get more confuddled from here!

Author Note: A bIg Jott Lover got me thinking; the fic could end in several possible ways and I've not decided how yet. I did have an idea for an end that I might go with, or I might be nice to Scott (maybe I've tormented him enough). So when you leave your reviews let me know if you're in favour of Jott or not. I'll bend to reviewer opinion and put up the ending that the majority want to see. I already know how some of you feel (Jott Lover is obviously in favour and I know Fury is heavily against!) but the majority win in this case.

Disclaimer: Forge blasted the disclaimer into another dimension. It could be anywhere.

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Scott was afraid to open his eyes. His last two awakenings hadn't been all that good and he didn't trust anyone who would voluntarily date Fred Dukes to get things right. He reached out a hand and felt around, but it felt as though he was alone in the bed. That at least was a good start. Encouraged, he sat up and looked around.

This wasn't his room. Hell, this wasn't even the mansion! The peeling paint and tiny space suggested the Brotherhood house.

"Goddamn, I should have known Forge would leave me in the wrong dimension!"

"Who are you talking to?"

Scott looked at the door as it opened and Wanda walked into the room, wearing a filmy negligee and not much else. She was also carrying a tray of food and orange juice.

"Brought your breakfast," she continued without waiting for a reply. "It's blueberry that you like isn't it?"

Scott sighed and looked down at the bed. "At least I got the right gender twin this time," he muttered under his breath.

Unfortunately Wanda had very good hearing. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Uh, nothing."

"Nothing my ass!" Wanda threw the tray to the floor and Scott winced at the sound of smashing crockery. "You've been screwing around with my brother haven't you?"

"No!"

"I _knew_ it!" Wanda's hands began to glow blue and Scott leapt out of the bed. "You only pretended to be in love with me so you could get to Pietro!"

"That's not how it was…" Scott's mind went blank. He had no idea what it _was_ like, so he could hardly tell her about defining moments in their relationship. So he spoke the four words he never thought he would say. "I love you Wanda!"

"You lying _shit_!" Wanda threw a hex-bolt at him and Scott barely got out of the way before she set his ass-hair on fire. "I don't believe you. I let you sleep with me – I let you _photograph_ me you pervert! And all this time you had a hard-on for my brother!"

"I do not!" Scott decided that his best course of action was to run and that's exactly what he did. Ducking past an enraged Wanda, he made it out of the door and down the stairs. Unfortunately, Toad was just walking through the front door.

"Put it away yo! Put it away!"

Scott glanced down and realised he had neglected to put on pants before escaping. For a moment he considered going back for his clothes – then a hex-bolt came thundering down the stairs and he ran out of the front door, ignoring the need for cover.

He got as far as the park before the cold really got to him. It was snowing outside and his feet were freezing. He was more worried about his tackle however. His testes had practically climbed back up into his body. Not to mention the fact he was going to get arrested if he was seen.

He fled to the Institute, seen only by a group of girls in their early teens who jeered and threw snowballs at him until they got tired. Exactly how he was going to get back into the mansion was a problem. For a few minutes Scott debated the wisdom of walking in naked, but then he spied some people heading his way and decided the only way to avoid them was to go inside.

He snuck through the gates and was almost to his room before some one saw him.

"Scott?"

He whirled around and saw Jean heading toward him. Cursing the cold that had shrivelled his penis, he tried to look nonchalant. "Hey Jean. How's it going?"

"Another fight with Wanda?" Jean sighed and averted her eyes. "You should always get dressed before you open your mouth."

"I've gathered that." Scott made another attempt to get into his room, but was disturbed by another person emerging from Jean's room.

"Fred?"

"Of course, who else?" Fred lumbered over to Jean and wrapped his arms around her. "And Scott, you might wanna get dressed. We have a training session in a half hour."

Scott gaped in horror. "You're an _X-Man_?"

"He's the leader of the X-Men." Jean kissed Fred on the cheek. "Ever since the moment he tried to kidnap me we knew he wasn't cut out to be a bad guy. Wow Scott, Wanda must have hit you really hard this time!"

"I need to go find some pants." Scott went into his room with all the dignity he could muster, which wasn't much after being usurped by the Blob. Finding a pair of jeans, he knew he had to go and speak to Forge again.

That was the problem. Forge couldn't do anything right. Maybe if he brought the gizmo to the mansion the Beast would be able to work on it and hopefully send him back to the right dimension, the world where he and Jean were in love and he was leader of the X-Men and everything was normal.

He walked over to Forge's slowly, thinking over his plan. He'd have to explain everything to Forge again and also to the Beast, but maybe that wouldn't be so bad. It wasn't like they'd know about it when he got back to his own world.

Knocking at Forge's door, he knew he'd have to ask the boy to go to the mansion and work on the gizmo.

"Oh, hi Scott," said Forge as he opened the door. Scott was relieved to see that the reindeer sweater had been replaced. "What are you doing here?"

"You have to get your trans-dimensional device and bring it to the mansion."

"How did you know about that?"

"Look, I'm from another dimension. I had a fight with my girlfriend and came over; we got drunk and decided to test it. So far, I've been in three weird and scary dimensions, been caught wandering the mansion naked twice and Quicksilver kissed me!"

Forge frowned. "You kissed Pietro?"

"No, _he_ kissed _me_."

"You kissed _my_ Pietro?"

"Uh-oh." Scott noticed Forge's pissed off expression and decided to back away. "Now that you mention it, I don't think it was Pietro. It was Magneto! Yeah, Magneto, not Pietro at all…"

"You _bitch_!" Forge grabbed the nearest weapon to hand, which just happened to be the trans-dimensional gun that looked like a pink hairdryer with add-ons. "I'll teach you to touch my beloved, you other-dimensional _hussy_!"

Scott turned and fled but Forge was deceptively fast and blasted at him with the gun. There was a flash of blue light and Scott vanished.

Pietro wandered into the hallway behind Forge and noticed the puddle of melted snow where Scott had previously been standing. "Was that Cyclops you just shot into another dimension?"

"Yeah."

Shaking his head, Pietro let out a sigh. "I bet Wanda blames me for this."


	4. Jott Kinda

Thanks to:

Raphaella – One of these days I'm going to write something which doesn't involve tormenting Scott – he seems to suffer in everything I write! And things are gonna get worse for him before they get better. _If_ they get better ;)

Lyranfan – Writing jealous Forge was great, he's a pretty neglected character. I actually quite like writing Scogue, so that might just turn up at the end.

Archmagus – Glad you liked! And with tons of characters for Scott to end up with, the good times are here for a while yet.

Evil-Bunny-Leader – Hey, that name's good too! There will be a Kitty chapter coming up and I'm thinking about a Tabby chapter too, but I haven't thought of any good ideas for her yet.

Rogue14 – I'm behind the idea of camp Forge, I didn't plan it at all, it just kinda happened. Jott ending? It might happen!

Furygrrl – I was actually drunk off my arse when I put up 'Unpredictable' last night and had to read it myself to find out what happened coz I couldn't remember! The joys of Xmas eh? I love Fred, he's so under-appreciated (although I can't actually imagine using him as a lead character). The first chapter of 'And I Feel Fine' is mostly written and I did some actual research for a change! And it would be great to get an update for your Jeance fic (or my own personal fave, 'The Genesis Strain').

LadyEvils – I always like Fred to get the girl, he's woefully underused in most fics. And this chapter's for you!

Tara – I must admit, I didn't give much thought to what was happening in Scott's own world while he's in another one. I think his consciousness is put into the body of his alternate so he still looks like the Scott of their dimension. Maybe their mind gets put into our Scott, but since he's at Forge's place none of the X-Men would notice. And because he doesn't seem to spend more than a couple of hours in an alternate world he might even be back in Bayville before New Years. Hope that clears things up for you (although I'm more confused than ever now!)

Heartsyhawk – Always pleased to disturb, ha ha! Is this soonish enough?

TheDreamerLady – I'm trying to update this one nightly, but don't always manage to. The last line was a favourite of mine too! I might use the 'trapped in an alternate dimension forever' idea depending on how the votes between Jott and not-Jott go although I hadn't actually thought of it before – thanks for the idea!

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters contained herein. I mourn this fact daily.

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Scott opened his eyes fearfully. He didn't know if the enraged Forge had set the gun to girlfriend. For all he knew, it might have been set to boyfriend again. He didn't think he could cope with another date with Pietro.

When he saw whom he was snuggled up with, he broke out into a huge smile. Jean lay beside him, fast asleep and totally naked.

"Thank God," he muttered, wrapping an arm around her. She woke up and turned over, giving him a sleepy smile.

"You're happy this morning."

He kissed her, burying his hands in her long red hair. She responded enthusiastically, running her hands down his chest. That was when he broke away, frowning. Something didn't feel right…

"GAAAH!" He looked down at his body in horror. "I've got _breasts_!"

Jean blinked in confusion. "Yes, they're very nice."

"But…but…" He whipped the covers away and checked himself out. "I'm a _girl_!"

"Are you feeling all right?"

"Fine. Just fine. Uh…didn't I used to have a penis?"

"No dear, that was a strap-on."

Scott got up and looked at himself in the mirror, noting his long dark hair and the traces of make-up still clinging to his face. The only thing the same was the ever-present ruby quartz shades.

"This is not good."

"I keep telling you to take of your make-up off before you go to bed. Did you get another zit?"

"I've gotta get dressed." Scott threw open the wardrobe and rifled through the contents. "Micro-mini, boob tube, hot pants, corset – do I always dress like a slut?"

"You know you do. Where are you going?"

"Uh, to the shop." Scott finally settled on a denim mini and white vest. "Does this make my butt look big?"

"No. Which shop?"

"One that sells clothes?"

Jean eyed him suspiciously. "Where did you get the money? I thought the Professor stopped your allowance after that business with Logan and the eggnog."

"I, uh, had some saved up." Scott could see that Jean didn't believe him. "Anyway, gotta go!" He let himself out of the room and took off down the corridor as fast as he could in stilettos.

Kitty emerged from her room and stopped to watch him. "Have you like, gone into labour or something?"

"Bite me."

"Already have done."

Scott limped past her in a huff and managed to get down the stairs without breaking his ankle. As soon as he got out of the mansion, he took of the shoes and walked over to Forge's house.

As he was about to knock on the door, he paused. The last time he saw Forge it hadn't gone well. Maybe he should have a plan before he went inside. But as he procrastinated Forge opened the door, obviously just about to go out.

"Oh hi," said Forge cheerfully. "What brings you here?"

"I'm a girl!"

"You said that last time and I told you, I'm not interested in you that way."

"No, you don't understand! I'm from an alternate universe and I'm supposed to be a guy but you did something wrong with the gun!"

"Oh." Forge stood aside to let Scott inside. "So let me get this straight. You're a guy trapped in a girls body for the day and you're over here rather than spending quality time in front of a mirror playing with your boobs?"

Scott thought about that for a moment. "Can I use your bathroom?"

"I've got a date in twenty minutes. I can shoot you know or you can go back to the mansion, play with yourself and get shot later."

"I guess I ought to get shot now." Scott looked gloomy. Why hadn't he thought of all the things he could do as a woman before he came over? "What kind of a woman am I?"

Forge mulled it over for a moment. "One word. Slut."

"And what's my name?"

"Gertrude."

"Great." Scott glared at the wall as Forge left the room to get the gun. When the boy came back, he decided to ask the ultimate question.

"So, if I'm a slut why did I wake up next to Jean this morning?"

"You finally got her?" Forge smirked. "Wow, you've been lusting after her forever. Even I noticed that. I never thought she'd go for you though, what with that rash you got that time."

"What rash? Wait, I don't want to know." Scott contemplated his ill luck gloomily. "So who's your date with?"

"Rogue."

"That's it, this world is just too bizarre. It's the most disturbing one yet. Just shoot me."

"OK." Forge blasted Scott and he vanished in a flash of blue light.


	5. Fireworks

Thanks to:

Raphaella – Scott with boobs is just scary, lol. And more torture of the X-Men leader is on the way!

Heartsyhawk – Some of this stuff gives me nightmares too! I pity Scott, I seem to torture him in everything I write.

Archmagus – Bondage slave? OMG, that's the scariest thought yet! And you weren't the only person to ask for that chapter, so it'll be coming soon…wow, I'm shuddering at the thought!

Rogue14 – Hope your prediction comes true! But this is a tame pairing, although not one that's done often.

LadyEvils – I was thinking of Ermintrude after the cow on the magic roundabout (I've no idea why) but Scott looks more like a Gertrude. Thanks for the idea!

Evil-Bunny-Leader – Glad you liked it!

Spyder616 – Scott and Pietro tickled me too, it's not something I see very often. Glad you liked!

A. Ceretta – You have Sambuca? I'm on my way to your house! I saw 'The End' comics, they do seem to have an awful lot of kids (not to mention a baldy Jean). I wouldn't call myself a big Jott lover but I think the mid-90's programme put me off it rather than the comics (all that shouting – "JEEEEEEEAN!!")

UncannnyAsianGirl – Welcome back! I hadn't thought of a Scott/Forge chapter but it's a great idea, you can expect to see it shortly! I did have a Scott/Lance chapter planned but I'm not sure what's gonna happen in it yet and you're not the first to ask for the Prof, so that'll be in there soon. Wow, the thought makes me shudder too! And pervy Scott is just the best, wouldn't that make him so much more interesting? And I think Forge and Rogue's first kid should be called Gear, that made me snigger!

Enfant-terrible – Glad to hear things are improving. And I think the Pietro chapter is my personal fave so far!

Disclaimer: The disclaimer was exploded. Bummer.

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_Where am I this time?_

Without opening his eyes, Scott surreptitiously reached down and was vastly relieved to find testicles. He'd missed them so much; he'd kiss them if he could reach. Then he reached out across the bed. No one was there.

Encouraged, Scott opened his eyes and looked around. His own bedroom in the mansion. His military-neat desk, his uniform folded neatly on the chair, his car keys tossed casually on the bedside drawers beside the alarm clock, which read 4am.

"I'm back!" Scott sat up and grinned into the darkness. Forge had finally done something right!

He debated a victory dance but before he could even get out of bed the door opened quietly and a figure walked in. He tensed. It was far too small to be Jean…

"Hi there." The person came closer to the bed, whipped the covers back and jumped in beside him. Scott nearly had a heart attack. He knew exactly who it was now.

"Jubilee?"

"Who else jumps into bed with you in the middle of the night?" Jubilee snuggled closer to him. "It's just about the only time we can be alone anymore since the Prof put his foot down."

"Should we really be defying him?"

"This is about your penis, isn't it?"

Scott blinked. "What?"

"Just because Logan said you'd be permanently parted from you penis if he caught us going at it while I'm still underage, you're panicking!"

"Damn right!" Scott glanced nervously at the door. "You know what his hearing's like. He might have heard you!"

"Will you relax?" Jubilee unbuttoned her PJ shirt and Scott hurriedly averted his eyes. "I happened to notice that Jean's not in her room and that means he'll be busy all night. Hey, remember that time we caught them at it in the Danger Room? Logan's such a short man, who would have expected him to be so hung?"

"Logan and Jean?" Scott gaped at Jubilee. "He must be a hundred years older than her!"

"And the rest." Jubilee threw her top aside and began running her hands over Scott's pecs. "So let's get busy before he wakes up!"

Scott thought about it for a moment. He couldn't go to Forge's this early in the morning and it would be a shame to waste an opportunity like this, especially when she was already playing with his nipples. Plus, he didn't want to mess up his alternate's life by refusing her and pissing her off. It was a tough choice but he was going to have to sleep with Jubilee. Bummer.

He reached over and stroked her budding breast tentatively…

_CRASH!_

Scott and Jubilee both jumped as the door was flung open.

"I warned you bub!"

"Logan!" Scott took his hands off Jubilee quickly. "We were just, uh, discussing battle tactics! Totally innocent!"

"Battle tactics in the nude?"

_Snikt!_

"Oh shit."

Scott jumped out of bed and backed away as Logan advanced toward him, claws out. Jubilee pulled the covers up to her neck. "Don't hurt him!"

With a roar, Logan leapt at Scott. Scott ducked out of the way and ran out of the room, tearing down the corridor wearing nothing but his boxers and glasses. Doors began opening as the students peered out to see what the fuss was. Scott stole a glance behind him, saw Logan running after him and pushed himself to go faster.

He raced down the stairs and through the door, Logan hot on his tail. The alarm was on and lights began flashing, a siren wailing throughout the mansion. The defences began to rise from the ground, lasers trained on Scott's almost-naked form as he fled. A beam nearly hit him and he took off his shades long enough to blast the lasers ahead of him into oblivion.

Logan was unperturbed by the snow that lay on the ground, not even slowing as he continued the chase. Scott's feet were freezing after just a few steps and he stumbled, slowing enough for Logan to finally catch up to him. Scott tore off his shades and hit Logan with an optic beam as the man approached, knocking him backward. Noticing the faces peering out of the Institute windows, Scott realised he was really going to have to wake up Forge and get him away from here. No way was he staying in a world where he'd just pissed off the ultra-scary Logan.

"I really wish I'd put on some shoes," he muttered as he hurried away, keeping a cautious eye out for Logan. It was unlikely the man knew where he was going, but he would easily be able to track him down.

When he got to Forge's house, there were no lights on anywhere. Scott realised he didn't know which window was Forge's and took a chance, making a snowball and hurling it at an upstairs window. It opened and Scott found himself looking at a woman rather than Forge.

"Uh, sorry. Wrong window."

"It's on the left," said the woman tiredly. "And tell him I'm tired of all these young men turning up on the doorstep at all hours of the night. Some of us like to sleep y'know."

"Sorry Mrs Forge." Scott looked shamefaced as the woman slammed the window closed. Then he gathered up another snowball and aimed at the right window.

Forge poked his head out sleepily. "Scott?"

"Let me in!"

"Did you know you're only wearing boxers?"

"You know, that escaped my attention. Considering it's _freezing_ out here you think I'd notice something like that. Now would you let me in?"

"One minute."

Scott wrapped his arms around himself for warmth and waited impatiently for Forge to open the front door. It seemed like an age before he was let into the house.

"You took your time." Scott hurried into the house and basked in the warmth.

"Well I wasn't expecting you." Forge rubbed at his eyes and looked pointedly at the clock. "What are you doing here at this hour with hardly any clothes on? Because you're not really my type."

Scott sighed, dreading having to explain himself again. "I'm from another dimension, you blasted me with your gun and now I'm trying to get home but you keep screwing up!"

"So this is all my fault," said Forge sulkily.

"It's your stupid gun that keeps sending me into these weird dimensions. Hell, here my girlfriend's dating Logan!"

"You and Jean?" Forge looked impressed. "I'm surprised Logan didn't kill you when he found out."

"He didn't find out, but he did try to kill me."

Scott glared moodily at the wall while Forge went to get the gun. When the boy came back, he put his hand out to check the device out himself. He couldn't work it out at all.

"You want to double check in case I've screwed up again?" asked Forge sarcastically.

"I don't know why you can't label it a bit clearer."

Forge scowled. "This is science, you can't just have a big red button with 'press here' written on it."

"Whatever. Just set the damn thing to get me home and make it quick, before Logan finds me."

"Yes _sir_." Forge narrowed his eyes and adjusted the dial slightly. Scott's attitude was really beginning to annoy him. "Say goodbye to this universe."

Forge blasted the gun at Scott and the other boy vanished in a flash of blue light. Forge smirked. He'd teach Scott to insult him…


	6. Another Love Square

Thanks to:

Raphaella – I was gonna have the chase with both of them naked, but the thought was too unnerving even for me!

Todd Fan – The best thing about writing this fic is being able to try lots of personalities for Forge, he's so underused.

Heartsyhawk – A day when I can scar Scott for life is a happy one…only joking Cyclops! There will be a Forge chapter up very soon!

Rogue14 – Scott and Logan? That is so wrong! So I might just use it…

Archmagus – Scott's misery is so sweet, I feed off it like a vampire…

LadyEvils – To come up with the pairings I just kinda run my mind through the Evo universe and when I come up with a likely candidate I try to think of what could really make Scott miserable! And some of the suggestions are from reviewers.

Shield-maiden – I like the idea of Fred and Jean too, I don't know why. And because you asked for it, a chapter with Scott and you-know-who!

Miss Ginny - Wow, I just updated when I got your review! Glad you're enjoying this one too, it makes me giggle to think up new and horrible things to do to poor Scott!

Lizzi - Thanks! I wasn't sure that this would be as good as Power9 so it's nice to hear it might even be better. And a threesome? I think I can arrange that!

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters. I claim only the sickness that is this fic.

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Scott opened his eyes fearfully and stared up at the ceiling. Peeling paper and a damp patch. He was back in the Brotherhood house again.

"Oh no…"

There was no one in bed with him, which was a relief in one way because it gave him time to get up and get dressed. In another way it might be easier to get the worst over with right away.

Or maybe he was in a universe where he wasn't dating anyone. Maybe he was just with the Brotherhood, probably as their leader. He'd be better at it than any of the others.

He sat up, scratched casually at his chest and stopped. His hand picked up some kind of liquid that coated his chest. Glancing at his hand, he tentatively examined the substance and his eyes widened in horror. It couldn't be. In no universe could Forge be this sick, this twisted, this…

"Morning babycakes."

Scott looked up; knowing whom he was going to see and not being quite able to able reconcile it. Toad was stood in the doorway, a towel wrapped around his waist and his skinny legs and bony ribs on display.

"Morning…Todd."

"I was beginning to think you'd never wake up. Look, I showered!"

"That's great."

"I did it for you snookums." Toad wandered further into the room and jumped onto the bed. "Are we still going to the movies today?"

Scott panicked. "Uh, sure! But later on, I have to go to the mansion and pick up some stuff."

"Want me to come with?"

"NO! I mean, uh, that's fine. I'll take care of it."

"Well, I'll walk that way with you anyway. I can go to the shops, get some salmon and then I can make your favourite meal before we go to the movies!"

The thought of Toad going anywhere near his food gave Scott the shudders. "That sounds great…"

"Unless you've got something tastier for me to eat."

"GAAAAH!!" Scott tried to hide the look of absolute horror on his face. "Uh, just pins and needles." He jumped out of bed and found his pants on the floor, wrinkling his nose when he saw the trail of slime on them. He managed to dress in record time and noticed that Toad might have showered but he wasn't about to put on clean clothes.

There seemed to be no way he could escape going back to the mansion so he allowed Toad to walk with him as he returned, the boy chatting happily, leaping from topic to topic as easily as he hopped. At one point Toad slipped his hand into Scott's and Scott nearly ran away right there.

When they got to the Institute Toad reached up and planted a kiss on Scott's mouth. "See you in a couple hours, my crimson eyed cutie!"

Scott watched him go and finally allowed himself to shudder. Faking love for Toad was the hardest thing he'd done so far, even worse than pretending to be dating Pietro.

As he went through the gates, his intention was to stand there long enough for Toad to be safely out of the way and then run to Forge's and beg him to sort things out. Assuming he didn't just pound the boy into the ground for sending him here…

_Bamf!_

"Did you tell him?"

Scott turned around and stared blankly at Kurt. "Tell him what?"

"I don't believe it! You didn't tell him! You promised!"

"I…I…" Scott had no idea what Kurt was talking about. "I'm sorry?"

"Sorry!" Kurt began pacing agitatedly, twitching his tail. "You promised me you'd tell Toad today that you and him are through! And you didn't!"

"I, uh…"

"You said you wouldn't keep stringing him along. You said you'd finish it and you were _lying_ to me!"

"Kurt, I…"

"So what am I then Scott? The guy you come back to when you can't have the _Toad_?"

The penny dropped. Scott shook his head. "You and me are…"

"Lovers! We're supposed to be lovers and you can't even do this for me! Finish things with Toad so we can tell the others about our love and you don't do it!"

"I will!"

"You won't! You'll keep going over there to be with him and then expect me to be around when you come home!"

"But…"

"Don't even go there!"

"Huh?"

Kurt stopped pacing and glared at Scott. "I know what you're going to say, every time I try to have this conversation you pull Jean into it!"

"Jean?"

"And I told you I'd finish things with her when you finish with Toad. It was you who seduced _me_ remember. It's not as though everyone knows I'm gay, it's totally different."

"How can she not know? She's a telepath!"

"Don't go changing the subject. You promised you'd ditch Frog Boy! If you think you're creeping into _my_ bed tonight after you've finished doing the nasty with him, you'd better think again!"

"_What_!?"

Scott and Kurt had been so caught up in their argument that they hadn't noticed Jean approaching. Scott immediately knew that they were screwed and not in the good way.

Jean's eyes were wide with shock. "You've been _cheating_ on me with _Scott Summers_?"

Scott tried to look reassuring. "Jean, it's not what you think…"

"Shut up you – you – you _whore_!" Jean's eyes were blazing. "You've been sleeping with _my _boyfriend and you expect to live much longer?"

"Uh…bye!"

Scott ran for the gates, only to be telekinetically grabbed.

"You're not going anywhere until I've hurt you. Badly." Jean flew into the air and advanced on Scott menacingly.

"Wait!" Kurt teleported himself in front of Scott and tried to placate his enraged girlfriend. "It was my fault too."

"And don't think you're going to live much longer either!"

Scott grabbed Kurt's arm and the boy took the hint, teleporting them well away from the mansion. Scott sighed in relief as Jean's furious face was replaced by the tranquil settings of the Bayville Park.

"That was close," he said.

Kurt glared at him. "Thanks a lot Cyclops. You couldn't just ditch Toad so we could be honest with her. Now she's pissed!"

"Right. Sorry." Scott tried to look apologetic. "Look Kurt, I have to go somewhere."

"That's just like you, isn't it Scott? The first sign of trouble and you just run away!"

"Can we talk about this later?"

"Why? Where are you going?"

"Uh, I'm going to go see Toad, tell him it's over."

"Seriously?" Kurt looked sceptical.

"Yeah. See you soon!" Scott hurried away, throwing a glance over his shoulder to make sure that Kurt wasn't following him. The boy had obviously realised that he was in a public place and was fiddling with his image inducer, giving Scott the chance to leave without being followed.

"This is the worst universe yet," he muttered, ignoring the strange glances he was getting from passers by. Forge's house loomed up ahead of him and he grinned. He was going to keep his temper this time and ask the other boy to send him home. He'd get on his knees and _beg_ if that was what it took.

When Forge opened the door, he regarded Scott coldly. "What do _you_ want?"

"Nice to see you too," replied Scott, unnerved. In all the other universes Forge had been friendly until Scott said something, but here he was downright rude.

"The pleasure's all yours."

"You obviously don't like me," said Scott. "But I'm not who you think I am. I'm from another dimension and you sent me here with your ray gun. I'm just trying to get home!"

Forge glared for a few moments longer. "I suppose you'd better come in then. It would be nice to shoot you."

"You really don't like me?"

"The way you treat Kurt, do you blame me?"

"You know about that?"

"He confides in me sometimes." Forge left the room and returned with his trans-dimensional device. "You treat him like shit. Him and Toad."

"I'm not like that in my own world, really!" Scott felt the urge to explain that he wasn't such a bad guy. "I'm dating Jean there and…"

"Jean as in Kurt's Jean?"

"Not necessarily…"

"In any universe going you're a home-wrecker!" Forge raised the gun and fired at him. Scott had just enough time to be thankful it hadn't been something deadlier in Forge's hand before he was enveloped in blue light and the universe vanished around him.


	7. Youth Gone Wild

Thanks to:

LoneRaven – I'm glad you liked it that much!

Raphaella – I bet he will be repulsed! And awkward when he gets home, not that I could take advantage…could I?

Todd Fan – Scott the man-ho? I live with that! You snuggle Forge as much as you want!

Heartsyhawk – No, you did just type that to Scott! I'm beginning to pity him too…

Lil Jean – This was my slowest update on this fic ever, sorry 'bout that!

Tara – You gave me some good ideas and I've used one of them right here! Thanks!

Rogue14 – EEEW! No, it was slime and not anything else on Scott's chest…man, I'm not gonna be able to get that image out of my head all night! A Scott/Logan chapter is in the works but it won't show up for a while yet.

Firefly25 – I'll be using at least two of the suggestions on your list, thanks for them and enjoy this chapter!

UncannyAsianGirl – I LOVE the idea of the commune, I'm using that very soon, thanks for the suggestion! I remember that Simpsons episode in question, that was one of my favourites.

LadyEvils – I forgot all about the iron, it makes its return here though! I'm pretty sure Scott will make his way through the entire Brotherhood, ha ha…

Shield-Maiden – Take a deep breath, I can't have one of my most constant reviewers dying – I might get sued! Changing Forge's character is fun and because Evo hardly used him I can get away with it too!

Evil-Bunny-Leader – It was a pretty gross chapter, lol. Sorry 'bout the slow update!

A. Ceretta – I think I can manage an Emma chapter! Should be chapter 10 or 11.

Archmagus – Cleaner images, will do! Oh wait, there's something disturbing in here…but no nudity today! And no Toad.

Katherine4 – Poignant? I guess it is a little, with Scott trying to get home to his beloved. Enjoy this chapter!

E-T – Thanks and a happy New Year to you too!

TheDreamerLady – There will be a Scott/Logan chapter (it's been the most requested one to date!) and yeah, the OTHER redhead will be showing up shortly…

Diaz F – Another vote for Jott! I'll do my best ;)

AUTHOR NOTE: Happy New Year everyone! And, uh, apologies to everyone I harassed by E-Mail while drunk! You know, it just doesn't seem like a New Year without twelve pints, inexplicable bruising, the phone number of some guy I don't remember snogging and a fight in a kebab shop…

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters I torment.

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Scott opened his eyes and blinked. Not his room _again_. This dimension was proving to suck already and he wasn't even out of bed yet. At least he was in the mansion this time.

There was no one else in the room, much to his relief, so he went over to the dresser to see if he could work out whom the room belonged to. There was a pile of schoolbooks and he glanced through them, frowning. His name was on all of them. All the stuff in the room was his. Throwing open the wardrobe, he recognised at least half of the clothes inside.

OK, so in this dimension he had a different room. No big deal. At least he didn't seem to have a girlfriend, or worse, a boyfriend. Maybe he was back in his own universe, just with a different bedroom! That was the only explanation for it!

Ecstatic, Scott dressed and pranced down the halls until he got to Jean's room and knocked on the door. He was going to apologise for the iron and then take her to the mall to buy her the most romantic, reasonably priced item he could find. And then he'd take her to the best restaurant in Bayville, if he could arrange for Amara to sort out the sprinkler system again.

When Jean opened the door and looked out, he gave her his best smile, the one she had always made him look cute and shy. She gave him a faintly puzzled smile in return.

"Hi Scott," she said.

"Who is it?" called a voice from within.

"It's just Scott."

Scott felt the smile on his face freeze. He recognised that voice…

The door was pushed further open and a familiar figure walked out, clad in only boxers. "What's up bro?"

"_Alex_!?"

"Well duh." Alex put a casual arm around Jean's shoulders and smiled. "What's up kid?"

Scott took in Alex's appearance. His face seemed older, his body more filled out and his face less tanned than usual. Looking down at himself, Scott's heart sank. He hadn't used to be this _short_.

"YOU'RE the elder brother?"

Alex and Jean exchanged glances. "That's genetics for you," said Alex cautiously. "You still feeling the effects from that whack on the head you got in the Danger Room yesterday?"

"Yes!" Scott seized this information. "I've got, uh, temporary amnesia! So you have to fill me in on a few things."

"Like?"

"Like _everything_!"

"Everything? Well, you're my little brother, you lived in Hawaii until recently when you moved into the Institute and in spite of all those waves you never learned how to surf – I've no idea why, I'd love to try it. We were orphaned in a plane crash and you were adopted and I wasn't. But I'm not bitter!"

Jean gave Scott a worried look. "Maybe we ought to make him see Mr McCoy. Does Scotty-Wotty want to go see the nice doctor to have a look at his boo-boo?"

Scott winced. "No, Scotty-Wotty would not!"

"He's so cute when he's all crabby!" Jean ruffled Scott's hair and he cringed. He may have lost some height, but he wasn't a baby.

He turned on his heel and stormed off. At eighteen he was mostly in control of his hormones but at fifteen he really wanted to yell at his brother about stealing his girlfriend. It was hard work to remember that he was now too young for her.

Rogue exited a room nearby and almost bumped into him. "Oh sorry Scott. Didn't see you there."

"Go away! No one understands me!"

"No one wants to."

"Screw you!" Scott stormed out of the mansion, brimming about the unfairness of it all. He was trapped in the body of a fifteen year old and his brother was sleeping with his girlfriend. Life _sucked_.

As he wandered into the grounds he decided to put off going to see Forge for a while. He needed to think things through, try to find a way to talk to the boy that wouldn't get him treated like a kid. Instead, he took a walk between the trees and debated on how things had gone terribly wrong and whose fault it was.

He had just decided that Forge was to blame for everything when he heard a rustling noise. He glanced around but saw no one. He leant against a tree, wondering if it was Alex following him or if his brother had gone against his wishes and told McCoy about his 'head injury' – that was just _so_ like him – and was just thinking about shouting obscenities into the air when something fell out of the tree his was leant on and landed beside him.

He spun around and saw X23 in a crouch beside him. "What the hell did you sneak up on me for? I nearly had a freaking heart attack!"

"You were supposed to be a half hour ago." X23 glared at him through narrowed eyes.

"I was?"

"You know you were! I had to sit up this tree all morning!"

"Well _sorry_. I had to talk to my brother."

"Again?" X23 lost her angry look. "Is he still on your back? You ought to give him an adamantium punch!"

"Yeah," grumbled Scott.

"I could put a head in his bed. Horse, elephant, Jean…"

"I don't think that'll help."

"Be fun though. I guess we've got the rest of the morning together now."

"Actually, there's something I have to do…"

"Again!" X23 glared at him. "You promised to spend the morning with me!"

"I know, but…"

"You won't let me come to the mansion in case you get teased about having a thing for Logan. You hardly ever have time to see me. And you got me an iron for Christmas! Where the hell would I plug it in?"

"There was nothing wrong with that iron!"

"You can't beat anything bigger than a squirrel to death with a cold iron and I can do it quicker with my claws!"

"I need to go talk to Forge!"

"Why?"

"I can't tell you in case the world blows up!"

"It's always the same with you Scott. Every time I want to spend some time with you, you say the world's gonna blow up!"

"I really mean it this time!"

X23 popped her claws and advanced. "You _are_ gonna spend some time with me even if I have to kill you and prop your body up with a tree!"

"Eep!" Scott blasted her and ran while she was still down. Behind him he heard her getting up and pursuing. He tore through the gates and as fast as he could to Forge's house. He hammered on the door frantically, glancing over his shoulder as X23 got closer.

The door opened and before X23 could get to him, Scott shoved his way into the house and slammed the door behind him, glancing at the startled face of Forge's mother.

"I, uh…"

A pair of claws sliced into the door and Scott ran for the stairs and into Forge's room. The boy glanced up startled. "Scott? What are you doing here?"

"X23's chasing me!"

"Again? I don't know how you expect me to give you romantic advice, after what happened with me and Wanda…"

"No, you don't understand, I'm – wait, you and Wanda?"

"Yeah, Pietro tried to warn me she was a little bi-polar but I didn't realise…"

_CRASH!_

"Oh no, she got in!" Scott looked around desperately and spied the trans-dimensional device poking out from under the bed. "I'm from another dimension, you blasted me with that and now Alex has my life! Quick, you have to shoot me before mini-Logan uses my dismembered corpse as a sex toy!"

Forge shrugged. "OK, sure."

"But make sure it's MY universe." Scott got a little misty-eyed. "I've realised that I live in the best world possible."

"Best world possible, got it." Forge fiddled with the gun for a moment and pointed it at Scott. Just then a pair of claws sliced through the floor at Scott's feet.

"Hurry!"

"Got it." Forge shot Scott and he vanished in the obligatory flash of blue light. At the same moment a square of the floor fell into the room below and X23 leapt into the room, blinking in surprise when she realised Scott was nowhere in sight.

"Did he go out the window?"

"No, he was from an alternate dimension so I shot him with this trans-dimensional device."

"You sent my boyfriend to another dimension?"

"He wasn't your boyfriend. I'm sure our Scott will show up sooner or later."

"You wanna make out 'til then?"

"Well, I do deserve something for the property damage. OK!"


	8. The Best Possible World

Thanks to:

Raphaella – I have a nephew with the same name and I call him Scotty-Wotty whenever I wanna hack him off, so I thought I'd translate that!

Todd Fan – If you're fighting with X23, I'm putting £20 on you to win!

LadyEvils – Another Jeance convert, yay! I like the reverse Lance/Scott, it gave me a good idea…look for it soon!

Enfant-Terrible – I have actually said that! But it was actually to horrify the third person in the room. It worked though, so I call it a success!

Archmagus – Scott might run into uncooperative Forge in the final chapter as an evil way to keep him trapped in an alternate dimension…hee hee!

Furygrrl – Yay! PWP Alex/Jean one shot! I'm with your Jean-muse on this one. A Scott/Forge ending isn't in the works I'm afraid but there are several vaguely smutty and disturbing endings I'm toying with ;) And a possible update to TGS!? I'm already getting over-excited and it's not up yet! I'll reread ASOO and see if I can come up with any suggestions for you.

Miss Ginny – I love Evil Forge, it's good Forge who can be kinda difficult to write sometimes. Hmm, that gives me an idea…

TheDreamerLady – Forge and X23, no one actually suggested her and I thought it might be a swerve. I keep remembering that alternate dimensions don't have to be all about the couples and younger, ultra-hormonal Scott was a blast!

Rogue14 – Logan and Scott is coming up…next chapter. Enjoy this one in the meantime!

Heartsyhawk – Weirdly, I was gonna write a therapy fic as a sequel to Power9 but it just didn't wanna fly. It would have been Evan getting the therapy but I'm sure Scott would have showed up in there somewhere!

Diaz F – Ororo will show up in the story at some point although not in the way you might think!

Evil-Bunny-Leader – NOOO! You can't go back to school! I forbid it! Oh well, have as much fun as you can while you're there and you can catch up with the other chapters when you get home.

Author Note: This is a pretty short chapter, forgiveness please!

Disclaimer: I broke the disclaimer while stumbling around drunk. Oops.

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Scott realised that there were arms wrapped around him, a warm body snuggled against his back. He tried surreptitiously to slip from the embrace but he was caught tight. Time for evasive action. He lifted one of the arms from off him and began to edge forward.

"Where are you going?"

"GAAAH!" Scott rolled over and came face-to-face with the one person he needed to help him get out of this universe.

"What you screaming bout?" asked Forge sleepily.

"Uh, nothing." Scott flopped back onto the bed and considered his options.

Forge began to play with the hair on Scott's chest. "I was thinking sweetie, maybe we should have a dinner party."

"_Dinner party_?"

"Yeah!" Forge sat up excitedly. "I could serve my famous fat-free pasta! And you could wear the reindeer sweater my mom knitted for you!"

"Uh…"

"We'd have to be careful with the guest list of course. Lance and Logan obviously, they're just too funny!"

"Lance and _Logan_?"

"Kurt and Tabby are a must, we don't want any bombs in the letterbox do we? And I suppose we'll have to invite Jean but I wish she wouldn't bring Todd with her, he's such a messy eater and he got slime all over my best china."

"Uh…"

"You don't seem to excited about this darling. You usually love dinner parties! Remember the last one when you taught Fred to Macarena?"

"Um. Forge, there's something I have to tell you."

"Oh no, you bought those yellow pants that make your ass look enormous didn't you?"

"Not quite. Look, I'm not the Scott you think I am. I'm from another dimension and you sent me here with your trans-dimensional gun."

"Well, you know how excited I get when we argue."

"It wasn't quite like that."

"So tell me about it." Forge lay back on the bed and smiled lazily at Scott. "You always were a wonderful storyteller."

"Uh, in my dimension I'm going out with Jean…"

"That _hussy_! What's she got that I haven't?"

"Boobs?"

"Typical." Forge got out of bed and found a pair of pants. "In any dimension, you're still thoughtless. That iron was the perfect example. . ."

"I'm sorry! But I've been through so many crazy dimensions, you wouldn't believe how many times I've woken up to strange people…"

"I thought you loved me, you _slut_!"

"Wait!" Scott jumped hurriedly out of bed. "I'm sure the Scott in this dimension is, uh, is in love with you. But I'm not him. If you sent me home he'd come back and you could have your dinner party. Are these my pants?"

"Do you know anyone else who wears burgundy after August?"

"Right. Look, the sooner you send me home, the sooner you'll have your own Scott back."

"I'm not sure. You lay all this on me then expect me to help you?"

"Yes?"

"Well think again. My trans-dimensional device is _not_ at your disposal whenever you want. I'm surprised we even used it. It's not perfected yet."

"Don't I know it." Scott tried to look sincere. "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings but I bet the Scott here wouldn't keep any secrets from you and I need your help."

Forge tried to keep his expression stern but failed. "Oh Scotty, you know I can't resist that face! I'll help you if I can."

He went over to the bed and pulled the trans-dimensional gun out from beneath it. "Which universe did you say you were from?"

"The one where I'm dating Jean, Kurt's dating Amanda, Lance is dating Kitty and you're not dating anyone."

"Figures." Forge messed with the gun. "You sure you want to go back to that universe? Because I've got some tricks I'll bet she doesn't."

"Thanks, but I'd better not. Jean would kill me!"

"Fine." Forge sniffed. "Just stand still."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Wanna bet?" Forge grinned as he blasted Scott with the gun and watched him disappear. "No one turns me down."


	9. A Romantic Break

Thanks to

Todd Fan – Glad I could make your day!

Zula – Your suggestion coming up in a few chapters!

LadyEvils – I was hoping to find Lance and Logan under my Xmas tree but they weren't there ::sobs loudly:: I'd forgotten that Forge liked the iron! Damn!

Heartsyhawk – If he ever gets back to his own dimension he'll probably _need_ a ton of therapy, hee hee!

TheDreamerLady – Evil Forge is pretty cool, lol. And his revenge is right here!

Miss Myxztipic – This soon enough?

Archmagus – Scott's in BIG trouble! ::cackles wildly:: No bondage here, but there is some coming up in a future chapter!

Rogue14 – More Gambit? I'll see what I can do! And as to your fave chapter, your review actually gave me an idea as to its ending so enjoy!

Shield-Maiden – This chapter's much longer and you're right – no one should turn down Forge!

A. Ceretta – Lance is gonna show up pretty soon and I'm looking forward to doing the Emma chapter – I've got a few ideas about that one!

Firefly25 – Oh thank you! You've given me some fabulous ideas for future chapters! At least one of the names on your list will be Scott's love interest and several others will be showing up…

Furygrrl – The image of Lance and Logan makes me surprisingly happy ::perverted grin:: And the image of Fred and Scott doing the Macarena was too good not to use!

Telepathic Angel – I always thought the funniest fics were the takes on characters love lives which is why I use the idea for humour!

DragonMaster02 – Thanks! This soon enough for ya?

**Author Note: **I've just begun another fic called 'And I Feel Fine' which is about the end of the population and life as we know it. It's not a humour fic (obviously) but don't let that put you off - check it out!

Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine, although the depraved situations they find them in are all the work of my sick mind.

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Scott kept his eyes tightly closed as he willed his surroundings to be back to normal when he opened them. He hadn't liked the look on Forge's face when he fired that gun…

"Are you gonna lie there all day bub?"

"Sorry Logan," muttered Scott, wondering why the man was always so damn quiet. He hadn't even heard him come in.

Opening his eyes, Scott sat up and stretched, his gaze falling on Logan. A very naked Logan.

"GAAAAAH!"

Logan gave him a startled look. "What's got into you?"

"Nothing, nothing at all." Scott tried very hard not to look at anything Logan had out on display.

"Good, because you and me have a long weekend ahead of us."

"Huh?"

"I've got the motorbike full of gas, the tent's all packed and we won't have to baby-sit the kids for three days." Logan scratched the back of his neck and looked at the floor. "I know a great place. It's, you know, romantic."

"Oh _good_." Scott tried to smile.

"A chance to be away from the kids, they don't have nearly enough training sessions."

"Damn right," agreed Scott with feeling.

"And we don't have to try to keep the noise down anymore."

Scott widened his eyes in horror.

"So get up, get showered and let's hit the road."

"Right!" Scott got up quickly, grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist, getting out of the room as fast as he could.

"This is not happening, this is not happening…"

"Talking to yourself again Scott?"

Scott looked up and saw Jean in front of him. "Uh, hey Jean."

"Ready for your trip with Logan?"

"Looks like it," muttered Scott.

"I think it's sweet, the two of you finally admitting how you felt about each other. Everyone could see you two were meant for each other, the way he was so protective of you, the way you kept checking out his ass…"

"Jean, I need to ask you a favour." Scott glanced down at the towel and sighed. No pants _again_. "I need to sneak out of the mansion for a while. Can you help me?"

"You're going to buy him a present, aren't you?" Jean clasped her hands together and sighed. "It's so _romantic_. If only Wanda was as romantic as you two are, I'd be a happy woman."

"Yeah, I'm gonna buy – wait, you and _Wanda_?"

Jean looked defensive. "I know what you're going to say. Yeah, we got back together last night. She promised to stop stalking Duncan and hexing him all the time and I'm going to be more understanding about her problems."

"Problems? She's a _psycho_!"

"I thought you wanted my help."

"I do. Wanda, very nice girl, looks great in a pair of leather pants, you and she make a great couple."

"Thank you. Go get your present, I'll tell Logan you had to run an errand for the Professor."

"You're the best Jean." Scott ran out of the mansion, wondering if Jean hadn't noticed he was only wearing a towel or if it was an acceptable code of dress in this dimension.

The snow still lay on the ground outside and Scott debated going back to the mansion. Then he realised he might have to spend the weekend in the wilderness with Logan on a romantic getaway and changed his mind. Instead he pulled his towel tighter and hurried away to Forge's house.

He hammered on the door of the house, wondering how many times he'd have to do this before he could get home and strangle the Forge that had sent him on this journey in the first place.

"Scott?" Forge opened the door and gave Scott a puzzled look. "What are you doing here? I thought you were going away with Logan today?"

"That's what everyone thinks." Scott pushed his way inside before anyone else in Bayville could see his bare legs. Duncan had followed him for a mile, hooting the car horn and laughing. It was only when Scott decided to cut through the park that he'd managed to lose his former love rival.

"You were really looking forward to it," said Forge with a frown. "It's all you've talked about for the past week. You said you were going to spend the first few hours sat on…"

"ENOUGH!" Scott shuddered at all the possible endings to the sentence he could think of. "Look, I'm from an alternate dimension and you used your gun to send me here and now Logan thinks I'm going to spend a weekend in the forest with him and he's scary when he's aroused!"

"I knew that thing would work!" Forge grinned widely.

"It doesn't work very well! You were supposed to send me into one alternate dimension for a few hours. This is the ninth!"

"Did you get to the dimension you wanted?"

"Well yes, but it was a big let-down."

"Then it worked."

"But I need to get home before Logan tracks me down!"

"Are you sure? Because the alternate you told me some great things about his techniques."

"I'm sure. I'm _very_ sure!"

"Fine then." Forge began fiddling with the gun and Scott fidgeted impatiently, sure that at any moment Logan would show up, throw him over his shoulder and carry him off into the woods.

"What are you doing sweetheart?"

Scott frowned at the voice coming from the stairs. It sounded somehow familiar but he couldn't immediately place it.

"I'm just getting ready to shoot Scott," Forge called back.

"Scott's here? I thought he was going away with Logan this weekend."

Some one walked into the room. Scott looked up and shrieked, snatching at the trans-dimensional device heedlessly. "Gimme the gun! Gimme the gun!"

"Scott, wait, don't touch that…"

There was a flash of blue light and Scott was suddenly absent from the room.

Sabretooth put an arm around Forge, who was gazing down at the gun. "He's such a nice boy isn't he? Maybe we should invite him and Logan over for canapés."

Forge shook his head, the gun still smoking. "Logan's gonna disembowel me for this."

"Don't worry lover," replied Sabretooth supportively. "I won't let him hurt you."


	10. Disturbing Occurances

Thanks to:

Miss. Myxztipic – Sabretooth was Rogue14's idea, you should thank her for it. It never even occurred to me!

Raphaella – Scott/Logan would be pretty scary but it was the most requested pairing to date so how could I say no?

TheDreamerLady – That iron gets everywhere! No matter where Scott ends up he manages to be let down, lol. Your requested chapter right here, although I dunno if it's exactly what you were expecting…

UncannyAsianGirl – Yeah, I'm pretty twisted lol! Logan doesn't sound right talking about romance and I wasn't sure whether or not to leave it in but for some reason camp Sabretooth seemed right. I used one of your ideas here, thanks for it! I'll be using more Toad in other chapters and some of the ideas were weird – I'll use them!

Rogue14 – You're kinda right…this is REALLY scary!

Diaz F – I keep getting accused of having a twisted mind and I think you're right!

Lizzi – Always glad to disturb!

Talon-Draven – Thanks! And thanks for the review of When We Grow Up too!

Tara – You should never eat when reading one of my fics – put down the food now, because this one's worse!

LadyEvils – I'm glad I could aid your recovery! Hope you're feeling better soon.

Todd Fan – Forge and Sabretooth…they never explored that in X-Force!

DragonMaster02 – Glad you liked!

Spyder616 – I'm glad you enjoyed all the chapters and could make you feel differently about humour fics!

Heartsyhawk – Should Scott ever get back to his own world, I think he'll hide from the other X-Men forever! I am planning on 15 different dates for him although whether or not he'll get back to Jean is still up for debate…

Miss Ginny – Scary yet compelling, that's the kind of reviews I like!

Disclaimer: The characters are not mine and I'm sure they're profoundly grateful for that!

**Author Note: **This is the most disturbing chapter I have ever written. It's distasteful, twisted and may scar you for life. You have been warned!

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Scott opened his eyes cautiously, wondering what was in store for him this time. He doubted he was anywhere good after trying to snatch the gun from Forge and getting blasted. But the tuft of red hair sticking out from the covers beside him made him grin in relief. Finally, back in the right universe!

He grabbed the sleeping figure and shook them awake. "You have no idea how glad I am to see you!"

"What are you talking about? I've been here all bloody night!"

Scott's jaw dropped as Pyro put his head above the covers and regarded him sleepily.

"_Pyro_!?"

Pyro grinned. "I'm glad you're pleased to see me. You were really pissed when I blew your iron up. Nice of you to finally forgive me."

"I, uh, yeah. Forgave you." Scott tried not to look at Pyro's naked chest. "I've got to, uh, go somewhere."

"Don't leave me!" Pyro wrapped both arms around Scott and bore him back down to the bed. "We've no training session today, let's just stay here!"

"GAAAH!" Scott stared up into Pyro's face and wondered if he'd died and gone to hell.

"I bought an entire tub of chocolate ice cream!"

"GAAAAH!"

Pyro frowned. "Is something wrong?"

"Uh, no! No, nothing wrong, not a thing! But I need to, uh, run an errand."

"Fine then," said Pyro sulkily, getting off Scott. "Be like that."

"I won't be long," said Scott in what he hoped was a soothing tone.

"I don't care. You be as long as you want. I guess I'll just eat the ice cream out of the bowl instead of off your body. No, don't try to change my mind!"

"I, uh…oh forget it." Scott yanked the blankets back and froze as yet another figure was revealed beside him.

"Good morning Scott," said the Professor calmly. "Could you be a dear and undo the handcuffs? My arms have gone to sleep."

"_AAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGHHHHH_!!"

Scott leapt from the bed and fled the room, crashing blindly through the mansion, not even thinking about where he was going.

"This is not happening. Gotta find Forge. This is not happening. Gotta find…"

A figure stepped out in front of him and he hurtled into it, knocking them both to the floor. Scott glanced up, expecting to find that Pyro had somehow got in front of him only to realise it was…

"Forge?"

"Well duh." Forge picked himself up and brushed irritably at his clothes. "Why are you running around the mansion naked? You can't be that desperate for ice cream."

"I can honestly say that I think I'm never gonna eat ice cream again." Scott covered the family jewels with his hands and tried to look nonchalant. "You know the trans-dimensional gun you invented?"

"_I _invented something?" Forge laughed. "Unlikely!"

Scott looked more closely at Forge. He'd been too worried about the recent turn of events to take much notice, but he wasn't sure how he'd missed seeing the goatee, the mechanical leg and the extra twenty years that Forge had gained.

"You're _old_?"

"I'm _mature_," replied Forge, hurt. "Like a fine wine."

"But…but…how else am I gonna find a trans-dimensional device?"

"Lance might have one," replied Forge.

"Lance? _Avalanche_?" Scott scoffed. "He couldn't invent a good excuse to be late for class!"

"Are you sure you're feeling alright Scott?" Forge raised an eyebrow. "His inventions might be a little off sometimes but if he managed to invent that machine that can see through clothes, he should be able to get you a trans-dimensional device. Although I fail to see what you want with one."

"It's a long story," said Scott.

"Oh _Scotty_!" Pyro's voice floated through the corridor and Scott jumped. "Chucky wants to know where you put the keys to the cuffs! Scotty! _Scotty_!"

"Gotta go!" Scott fled in the general direction of the door before realising that once again he had no pants on and this time not even a towel. No _way_ was he going to the Brotherhood house without pants on. Fortunately there was a laundry room close to the kitchen, perhaps he could swipe some pants from there. Even a skirt would be better than nothing.

He sneaked into the laundry room hoping that the Professor wouldn't decide to summon him back telepathically if Pyro couldn't find the keys, throwing open the door and diving inside quickly before he could be seen.

"You know bub, you could knock."

"GAAAH!" Scott started as he realised there was some one else in the laundry room. Two some one else's in fact. Logan was giving him an evil look, wearing only his boxers. Rogue was sat on the dryer, trying to cover her naked breasts and her skirt hiked around her waist.

"I, uh, I just needed a pair of pants!"

"I don't care what you, Chuck and the Flamethrower get up to but this party is for two only. Get out of here!" Logan growled threateningly at Scott.

"The thing is, I really…"

"I said _get out_!"

"I'm going, I'm going." Scott noticed a stray pair of jeans on the floor, grabbed them and fled the laundry room.

"Come back here with my pants!"

At the sound of Logan's voice, Scott doubled his efforts and ran even faster.

"Leave him alone sugah," he heard Rogue saying. "With tackle like that, wouldn't you want to cover up?"

Scott stopped dead. "There's nothing wrong with my tackle!"

There was no reply, the door to the laundry room slamming closed. Frowning, Scott yanked the jeans on and groaned. They were a good four inches away from his ankles. He looked ridiculous.

"Oh _Scotty_! You down here?"

"Not any more!" Scott headed for the front door and made his way from the mansion, praying that Pyro wouldn't follow. As hard as it was going to be, he had to go to the Brotherhood house and beg Lance for help.

This was going to be hell.

The Brotherhood house was as dilapidated as ever, trash blowing around the sparse garden and two broken windows. Dread rising in his stomach, he knocked on the door.

He wasn't prepared for who answered.

"Jean?"

"Oh. It's you." Jean gave him a disdainful glance. "What do you want?"

"I, uh, need to talk to Lance."

"Hang on." Jean turned and shouted, "HEY LANCE! THERE'S AN X-MAN AT THE DOOR FOR YOU!"

"Don't say it like that," said Scott. "You're an X-Man too."

Jean gave him a startled look and began to laugh. "Me? An _X-Man_? Shit, that's the funniest thing I've ever heard!"

"Wait, you mean you're with the Brotherhood?"

"Of course! I'm the _leader_ of the Brotherhood you moron!"

Lance walked up behind Jean and draped a casual arm over her shoulders. "What do you want Summers?"

"Uh…" Scott was aware of his cold feet and chest, but mostly he was aware that his archrival was touching _his_ would-be girlfriend. "I'm from another dimension and Forge sent me here with a trans-dimensional gun and now he says he can't get me back and you might be able to because in this dimension you're the gadget whiz not him."

"Right." Lance gave Scott an amused look. "Jean, did that make any sense to you?"

"None at all," replied Jean cheerfully. "I don't think you should help him."

"But you have to!" Scott tried desperately to think of a way to convince them. "Jean, read my mind if you don't believe me!"

"Fine then." Jean frowned in concentration as she entered Scott's thoughts – then shuddered and withdrew her presence.

"Lance, sent this guy away from my dimension _now_."

"Why?" Lance folded his arms and glared at Scott.

"Because he's trying to get back to his own world and there he's dating _me_ and I'm all goody-goody and self righteous and I'm an X-Man! I want him away from me before I _puke_."

"Dating MY girlfriend?" The floor began to shake, but Jean stopped Lance's tantrum with a look.

Scott followed them inside the house and waited in the living room with Jean while Lance went to his room. There was an uncomfortable silence while they waited.

When Lance returned, he was holding a device that didn't look much like the one Forge had used. It looked more like a very expensive silver hairdryer rather than the cheap pink one that Forge had favoured.

Jean glared. "Is that my hairdryer?"

"Uh, maybe?"

"You asshole! You said you hadn't seen it!"

"Can you two argue about this later?" Scott really didn't want to witness a lover's spat between them.

"Why don't you shut your mouth?" Jean rounded on Scott. "I know what you and Pyro and the Professor get up to!"

Lance looked disgusted. "Do you have to bring that up? I just ate!"

"Can we just send me home?" Scott was wondering if coming here was such a good idea. Maybe he could have learned to live with the strange romantic situation.

"Fine then." Lance aimed the gun at Scott.

"Wait," said Scott. "Don't you need to know which universe I'm from?"

"Hell, I don't care where you go once you leave here." Lance shot Scott and he vanished in a flash of blue light.

Jean blinked. "Do you think he's back in his own world?"

"I hope not."

Laughing, Jean leapt into Lance's arms. "If this is what you get up to with my hair appliances, you can use as many as you want!"

"That's good news," said Lance. "Because you'll like what I did with your curlers!"


	11. Comicverse

Thanks to:

Todd Fan – I _had_ to have Pyro in there somewhere, he rules!

Heartsyhawk – The ice cream was kind of a throwback to something I wrote for Evo-over 18 and I used chocolate coz I don't like that flavour anyway, lol. One strangers bedroom coming up…or is it?

Raphaella – I really wanted to see Scott freak out and he was getting a bit used to waking up next to random people – time to shake him up a bit!

Archmagus – There's not actually much humour in this chapter, but I've got something seriously nasty planned for Scott next time…

A. Ceretta – You wanna see Scott cry? You meanie! I'll put it in there somewhere!

UncannyAsianGirl – The hippie commune chapter will be up very soon! I was gonna save it for the last chapter but I've had another idea for it. I figure the non-techno Forge has to be the shamen – scary! Yeah, the Rogan laundry scene was inspired by your comment! 'Tackle' is an English term that I use all the time (well, whenever referring to that part of the anatomy, lol) but I didn't realise it wasn't in wide use.

Randomnity – Glad you found the fic! I really like the idea for the end of the fic and I might just be able to use it…and that'd make the other mutants really pissed at him lol!

TheDreamerLady – BWAHAHA! Another insane one – did I mention my fees for curing that? I get most of my ideas randomly to begin with and then I use a lot of suggestions by reviewers (after twisting them a little of course!). And I don't think he'll be able to face anyone at all after this!

Rogue14 – This chapter will be less scary…but the next one more so!

LadyEvils – I had to put Evil Jean in there somewhere, she's an old favourite! I guess I should have put her with Pyro to be in keeping with 'Manipulating' but Scott got there first ::shudders::

Spyder616 – Yay, I like recruiting more Evo fans! Although Spidey rules too.

Anc7 – This chapter isn't as mad as others but the next one will get sicker!

Tara – The rating may still go up (and maybe should have done already) depending on the content matter of the next few chapters!

Furygrrl – The ménage a trios came up coz I was running out of chapters to put all the requested characters in and I can never resist going back to Evil Jean! Ugh, Scotty lusting after the Prof…ICK! And what Lance turned the curlers into – I guess we'll never know ::sulks in disappointment:: I'll have the next chapter of AIFF written up over the weekend and it should be up soon!

Disclaimer: I really like beer.

**Author Note: **If this chapter doesn't make sense to some of you, don't worry about it. I'll be back to the normal Scott-torment formula next chapter. And this chapter isn't actually humour. On a plus note, I really enjoyed writing it and it's the first time I tried anything in this vein. Let me know if you liked the change and rest assured that if you didn't I have something lined up to make Scott miserable…

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Scott woke up and froze. There was definitely some one in bed with him and after the last dimension he was too afraid to look who it was. Instead he decided to explore with his hands.

Long hair. That was a start. And boobs! It had to be a girl. Unless it was Fred…but no, there wasn't an inch of fat on the frame. Things were defiantly looking up. A quick grope behind him confirmed that there was no one behind him and finally Scott felt brave enough to open his eyes.

His first shocked thought was that he had found himself in bed with Tabby. Then he realised that Tabby didn't have hair that exact shade of blonde, nor that well conditioned. He sat up quickly and took in the woman beside him. She was in her late twenties and when she opened her eyes, disturbed by his movement, they were bright blue.

"Morning lover," she said with a yawn. "Time to deal with the rampaging hoards again."

"We're under attack?"

The woman gave him a funny look. "No, I was talking about the children. Will you relax? We get enough trouble around here without inviting more."

Scott sighed in relief as the woman got out of bed rather than jumping on him as everyone else he'd woken up with seemed predisposed to doing. That didn't stop him from checking out her nakedness until she covered herself up – just – with a pair of white jeans and a white corset. She glanced over at him. "Are you going to lie there all day?"

"Uh, no." Scott got out of bed and glanced into a mirror, just to make sure he was still himself. The mirror reassured him of that, but there wasn't much else to be pleased about. He seemed to have aged at least ten years, maybe more. His heart suddenly sinking, he remembered the woman saying something about children. Surely he wasn't a father?

Throwing on some clothes quickly, he followed the woman out of the room, realising he was still in the mansion. If this woman was his girlfriend, as she seemed to be, then he'd better find out her name before he was caught out. At least he'd managed to find clothes this time…

Looking down the corridor, he saw a dragon flying toward him.

"GAAAH! GET DOWN!" He shoved the woman aside and prepared to fire an optic blast at the monster – then realised he couldn't move his hand to move his shades.

"What's gotten into you?" the woman asked. "It's only Lockheed."

"Only…?" Scott watched in confusion as the dragon, which seemed much smaller than it had at first, flew past him without a glance and an aged Kitty turned the corner to chase it.

"Sorry Scott, sorry Emma," she shouted as she phased through the pair of them, racing out of sight.

The woman – Emma – narrowed her eyes at him and suddenly Scott realised she was telepathically scanning his mind.

"Stop that!"

"So, you're from another dimension," she said thoughtfully. "That explains why I was able to get from our room this morning without being ravished."

Scott braced himself for the impact of an exploding world and was rather surprised when nothing happened.

"Don't worry about the universe being destroyed," said Emma. "You'd be surprised how often we get visitors from other dimensions. We're used to it."

"We?"

"The X-Men, silly. So let me get this straight. You're from a world where you've just left school, you're dating the ever-irritating Jen Grey and you're trying to get back there."

"Pretty much." Scott decided it might be a good time to risk some questions. "So, you and this dimensions Scott are…?"

"Co-heads of the Xavier Institute. And lovers obviously."

"Oh. Good for him." Scott wondered why she wasn't more freaked out by her boyfriend being replaced by a younger model from another dimension. "Do you think you might be able to get me home then?"

"I'm sure some one will be. Let's go and speak to Dr McCoy shall we?"

"Look, if we can find Forge I'm sure he can send me back to where I came from and you'll have your, uh, lover back in no time."

"Forge is off chasing Mystique somewhere. Maybe I can locate him on Cerebra."

Emma walked off and Scott trailed behind her, wondering what the hell type of universe he'd ended up in this time.

The downstairs of the mansion was chaos. There were kids running around everywhere, although they seemed to slow to a walk when they noticed the pair. Scott noticed a kid with a face so elongated it looked like a beak, a girl with wings and three identical blondes on the journey to the labs.

"What the hell are you using this place for?"

"It's a school for mutants. But we seem to have a lot more strange looking ones here than the ones who attend your Institute. This way please."

She led him into the bowels of the mansion and past a lot of hi-tech stuff that Scott couldn't even begin to understand. Eventually they got to a combination lab/meeting area and Scott was surprised to find several familiar faces already gathered there.

"I summoned them telepathically," Emma explained as she saw Scott's startled look.

Logan hadn't aged although he managed to look even more menacing than usual. Beast looked a lot more feline-like than Scott remembered him. Kitty had the dragon that had scared him that morning perched on her shoulder. And there was a big guy he partially remembered in the corner – was that Colossus? As well as that was an unfamiliar woman with long black hair sat at the table.

"What's going on?" asked Kitty.

"Scott seems to have been taken over by a version of himself from another dimension," replied Emma. "We have to get this one back to his own world and get our Scott back."

"I dunno," growled Logan. "I could get used to a world with no Cyclops in it."

Emma ignored him. "Sage, is there any way we can swap this Scott with ours?"

The woman with the black hair – Sage – frowned thoughtfully. "There is some Shi'ar technology that could be adjusted for the task, but there is only a 43 probability of this Scott getting back to his own dimension. Who sent him here?"

"Forge did," replied Scott uncertainly.

"Were Forge here our chances of success would be higher, but we have no way of knowing where he might be, thanks to him going off after Mystique." Sage glanced sideways at Beast. "Can you make the necessary adjustments?"

Beast shrugged. "We can only try." He stood and left he room, Sage going with him.

Logan leant back in his chair and regarded Scott with some amusement. "So, what type of alternate dimension do you come from bub? Not the same one that the alternate Kitty came from?"

Emma gave Logan a confused look. "This happened to Kitty too?"

"That's what happens when you've not been around very long," said Kitty. "You don't know everything that happened around here before you decided you wanted to be a good guy."

Scott scowled at the thinly veiled hostility Logan was showing him. "Look, I want to know what's going on in this mansion!"

Emma chuckled throatily. "I positively throb when he gets that tone."

Kitty glared. "Why do you keep saying things that I can't unhear?"

"Well, let's see." Logan grinned unpleasantly. "You joined the original X-Men, went out with Jean Grey, she died, you married her clone, had a kid you sent off into the future and when he came back he was older than you, then Jean came back and you dumped Madeline – the clone – like a bad habit, you married Jean, you died, you came back, she died and you hooked up with the White Queen there."

Scott frowned in confusion as he tried to work all this out, then he paled. "You mean Jean's – dead?"

"Probably not dead enough," muttered Emma.

Beast and Sage walked back into the room, carrying a gun. "We managed to alter this to separate Scott's brainwaves from our Scott," Beast said. "We can't guarantee you'll end up back in your own world, but we'll get our Scott back."

"It's a lot more, uh, hi-tech than the one Forge used," said Scott nervously. All the other trans-dimensional devices had looked like futuristic hairdryers. This one looked like it could blow his head off.

"Maybe it'll work better in that case," said Sage as Beast took aim.

Scott turned to Emma uncertainly. "Well, I guess this is it. You've been uh, very nice."

"Emma _nice_?" Kitty laughed. "That's a first."

Any response Emma might have given was lost as the Beast blasted Scott and the last thing he saw of that universe was a dancing blue light.


	12. Commune

Thanks to:

Todd Fan – I actually do like Emma although I can understand the dislike. But I find it hard to Evo-ise her.

Heartsyhawk – I'm so glad you said that! This was the hardest chapter I ever did (I've never written canon X-Men before) and I'm glad it turned out OK.

TheDreamerLady – Scott and Emma were doing the mind nasty before Jean died but I thought that might be too confusing so I ignored it. That was so not like Scott!

GoddessOfDarkness – Glad you liked! Jott is the most popular choice for the moment.

Randomnity – I never hold back on my humour fics – that's why they all end up rated 'R'! Commune chapter up now!

Demonestress – I'm glad I could clear up some stuff for you. I love the comics and I've never written canon before.

A. Ceretta – I love Emma but I don't like her with Scott so I guess we have that in common. Scott reduced to tears in the next couple of chapters!

Rogue14 – I missed the comic with the kids. But I really don't want to see them! I liked future baldy Jean though. Hope you like this!

Anc7 – Too sane coz this was based on the comics, but I'm back to warped imagination now – hope you like!

Disclaimer: I don't own. You wouldn't believe what was going on if I owned.

**Author Note: **OK, back on track now! You may note that this chapter has given the fic an 'R' rating. This is because of the references to drug use. I hope I got the rating right because in the UK no such rating exists! Well, enjoy! And to everyone awaiting the update of 'And I Feel Fine', it will be up tomorrow. I've written it but would like the chance to review it and make sure it's in keeping with the following chapter.

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Scott was more hopeful as he opened his eyes. The X-Men in the previous universe had seemed to know what they were doing, more than any hacked-off Forge or Jean-dating Avalanche. It was far more likely that he was back in his own world than still jumping from dimension to dimension.

But when he looked around, he realised he wasn't back in his own world yet. It was his room in the mansion but his bed seemed to be missing. Instead he was sleeping on what felt like a thin mattress on the bare floor. His walls were painted a bizarre shade of green and there were psychedelic posters on the walls and throw cushions on the floor. It looked like something out of a bad moralistic slasher movie.

The bed on which he lay had at least four duvets on it; only one of them had been covering him. Now one of the other ones moved and Jean emerged from beneath it, blinking sleepily.

"Jean!" Scott threw his arms around her and squeezed her tightly. "I'm home!"

"Home is relative," said Jean, extracting herself from Scott's almost painful grip. "Lighten up."

Scott gave Jean a suspicious look as she grabbed something from the side of the bed. "What do you mean, relative?"

"The whole earth is home," said Jean, turning back with a tobacco tin in hand. "Home is like, a place in your head not a place on the ground man."

"What are you _doing_?" asked Scott in horror as Jean opened the tin and began rolling what appeared to be a fat, fragrant cigarette. "Is that _marijuana_?"

"Don't yell man, you're bumming me out." Jean finished rolling the joint and lit it, inhaling deeply.

"Oh my god." Scott buried his head in his hands. "I'm trapped in the sixties!"

"Dude, mellow out. It's not the sixties." Jean smiled lazily. "You want some of this?"

"I don't do drugs," said Scott pompously.

"Since when?"

Scott turned to the other side and his eyes widened as Remy LeBeau surfaced from beneath the blankets. The Cajun smirked at Scott's horrified expression.

"Pass that this way _chere _if Scott's having one of his mood swings."

Jean passed the joint over to Gambit as Scott spluttered. "_What are you doing in my bed_?"

"It's not just your bed _homme_. Though you wouldn't think it the way you sprawl." Gambit inhaled the smoke happily.

"We all share the bed," said Jean earnestly. "Possessions are a distraction Scott, you should share everything in this world. Possessions are bad for your karma."

"Screw karma!" Scott could feel a headache coming on. "When the Professor finds out about this we are so dead. Hell, when _Logan_ finds out we're dead!"

"Some one mention my name?" Logan popped up from beside Remy.

"GAAAAH! Not again!" Scott gazed in horror at all the people who had invaded his bed. "Jean, how are you and I supposed to have a committed relationship if…"

"Commitment?" Jean laughed. "You know how I feel about that word. My body belongs to me, and I choose to share that gift with whomever I want. I'm not another one of your possessions."

"You're acting strangely this morning." Gambit regarded Scott with red-on-black eyes. "That acid Kurt got give you a bad trip?"

"This is insane!" Scott scrambled out of the bed, keeping the sheet wrapped tight around his waist. Unfortunately in doing so he managed to reveal slightly more of Gambit than he felt comfortable seeing. He took a few steps backward, tripped over something warm and furry and landed on his ass.

"Oh, sorry Scott." The wolf he had tripped over transformed into the attractive but underage form of Rahne. "You know I prefer to sleep in wolf form."

"What the _hell_ are you doing here?"

"I just felt lonely sleeping on my own when I could hear the party going on in here!"

"You snuck in here _again_?" Rogue's face appeared from the bed on Logan's far side. "How many times, you have to wait until you're old enough or we could all go to jail! And if you brought in that web-cam again, ah'll shove it straight up your rectum!"

"Web-cam?" Scott frowned thoughtfully as he massaged his aching ass. A web-cam was a modern invention, which meant he wasn't trapped in the past. The past would be bad, particularly a past where Forge was still in pre-school, but if he was in a skewed present than maybe Forge was around somewhere.

"Enlighten me, uh, man," he said to Jean. "The Institute is a place for gifted kids…"

"Whoa, Institute? What Institute?" Jean gave him a puzzled look. "I don't believe in Institutions. They're a prison for free thought! Expand your mind!"

"Yeah," said Scott. "This place still belongs to Xavier though?"

"Of course. That's what the sign on the gate says. The Xavier Commune for Free Love."

"Read his mind Jean," said Gambit, sounding bored. "That'll tell us what he's talking about."

"No way! He'll kill my buzz!"

Logan nudged Rogue in the ribs. "You go absorb him."

"I can't move that far," muttered Rogue lazily. "You go absorb him!"

"Already have done."

Scott shuddered. "Look, I need to go find Forge."

Jean grinned. "I knew you were warm for his form!"

"_What_!?"

"It's so obvious. And you're acting all moody this morning. You've finally decided to do something about it!"

"Uh, no. No. Nothing like that.

"Last time I saw him, he was heading into Storm's room," said Logan. "He took about a pound of peanut butter. I think he's planning to hole up 'til January. No pun intended."

"Urgh!" Scott remembered how much he disliked peanut butter. "No problem, I'll just…knock. Yeah. That'll be fine."

"Bring me back some munchies!" shouted Jean as Scott exited the room and made his way to Storm's. He wondered if they might be playing a joke on him – but no, not all of them, not if it required them being in bed with him.

He knocked at Ororo's door, almost hoping for no response. But the door swung slowly open and he was treated to the sight of a naked Kurt in front of him.

"GAAAH! Kurt! Cover yourself!"

"You never objected before." Kurt turned his back on Scott and swished his tail playfully around Scott's genitalia. Scott screeched and stumbled backward before realising that his only way home was to enter the room and followed Kurt.

The room was dark. He could make out Kurt's silhouette as he walked back to the bed and the whiteness of Storm's hair against the pillow. Apart from that, the room looked like one giant bed with indistinct shapes below.

"Uh…" Scott didn't quite know how to proceed. "Uh, Forge? Are you here?"

The bed moved and some one put their head into view. "Hey Forge? Like, Scott needs you!"

"How romantic," responded a sleepy voice from beside her.

Scott shuddered. "Pietro?"

"Ask me again in an hour," muttered Pietro.

"Forge!" Kitty leant over Pietro and shook the figure beside him. "Wake up!"

"I'm not Forge!" Tabby sat up and rubbed her eyes. "Try again!"

"Oh god…" Scott ran over to the other end of the bed and shook the figure at the end of the bed. "Are you Forge?"

"No Scott, I'm not," replied the Beast. "I believe he's beside me."

"Ug, too gross!" Scott leant over the Beast and shook the figure there. "Forge?"

"Yeah?"

"Oh thank god!" Scott grabbed the boy by the scruff of his neck and yanked him out of the bed. "I need your help!"

"You know man, you could like, ask." Forge rubbed the back of his neck and glared at Scott.

"No time. Put some pants on." Scott averted his gaze from the bed and waited for Forge to get dressed before hustling the boy out of the room.

"What's so urgent?" asked Forge sleepily.

"I'm from another dimension and you sent me here with your trans-dimensional gun – well, kinda – and now I need to get home again?"

"Trans-dimensional gun?"

"Please tell me you invented one."

"Well, I began to but then I got the munchies and then the way my hands moved was so inviting I just forgot about it."

"So just remember it again!" Scott grabbed Forge by his collar and shook him. "You have to get me out of this drug-induced nightmare!"

"I saw it in a dream," said Forge patiently. "I don't know if I can just remember it."

"Try!"

"Fine." Forge went down to the lab and Scott followed him, spending an impatient couple of hours waiting for Forge to get the gun on line. He drew the line at getting the other boy a few joints to help along his thinking.

"I got it dude," said Forge eventually, emerging from the lab with the gun looking less like a pink hairdryer and more like a clinical white blender with add-ons. "Have you home in no time. And maybe we can have our own Scott back, the one who isn't such a bummer."

"Whatever." Scott braced himself to be taken to another dimension.

"You need to mellow out, alternate Scott," continued Forge. "That's why I've done what I've done."

"Wait Forge, what have you done, wait…"

Forge fired the gun and Scott vanished in a flash of light. Forge gaped for a while, just digging the colours.


	13. Return to the Brotherhood House

Thanks to:

Heartsyhawk – Cyke's gonna be suicidal _and_ homicidal, promise!

Todd Fan – Forge and Storm, there's a couple I liked in the comics and forgot all about. Hmm, that gives me an idea…

Raphaella – Oh yeah, that's disturbing. And plenty more to disturb before Scott gets home – _if_ he gets home, lol!

Rogue14 – More innocence lost due to me, hee hee! I love it!

LadyEvils – Scott's head exploding, there's an amusing image! I hate peanut butter, that's why I used it.

Spyder616 – Forge has screwed up again…he's great!

Disclaimer: Forge blasted the disclaimer into another dimension.

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Scott opened his eyes and winced. Not only was he not in his own world, he was back in the Brotherhood house. He didn't recognise the room, all he knew was that it wasn't Pietro's, Wanda's or Todd's. Which left two very unpleasant alternatives.

There was a hump beside him and he cringed as he pulled back the covers. It wasn't fat enough to be Fred, which left only…

"_Kitty_?"

Kitty opened her eyes and blinked sleepily at him. "What time is it?" She checked her watch and sat up in a hurry. "Omigod! You _asshole_! I _told _you not to let me sleep all night!"

"Uh, sorry?"

"_Sorry_ isn't good enough! Logan's gonna go nuclear! He's already pissed about me dating a member of the Brotherhood."

"A member of the _Brotherhood_? _Me_?"

"No, Toad. Of course you!" Kitty leapt out of bed and began to dress hurriedly.

Scott lay back on the bed and closed his eyes. This was the last time he trusted Stoned Forge to send him anywhere. Being in the Brotherhood was the worst thing he could think off. Then he remembered some of the universes he'd been to and changed his mind.

His eyes sprang open as the house began to shake. Kitty stopped, looking mortified and he heard Pietro outside the door. "Uh, the fearless leader of the X-Men is here and he looks pissed!"

"I don't believe this!" Kitty stormed out of the room as Scott grabbed a pair of jeans and yanked them on hurriedly before following her.

Lance was stood in the hallway, fists clenched. Kitty was yelling at him. "You might be the leader of the X-Men but you're not the boss of me! I'll see who I like when I like and there's _nothing_ you can do about it!"

"But _Cyclops_? He's nothing but a hood!" Lance indicated angrily at Scott. "He'll break your heart and ruin your life."

"You don't know him like I do! He's kind and sweet and generous and he bought me a lovely iron for Christmas…"

"Isn't that cute?" said Pietro from behind Scott.

"He cares about me! You can't change the way I feel!"

Lance glared at Scott as the other boy hastily descended the stairs – he still didn't feel like seeing Pietro again. "I'm warning you Summers. Stay away from her!"

"This is only because you want her warming _your _bed," muttered Scott and realised his mistake the moment the words had left his mouth.

Lance narrowed his eyes. "You are so dead."

"No! Don't hurt him!" Kitty grabbed Lance's arm and he shook her off, advancing on Scott as the house began to shake again.

"Uh…bye!" Scott ran for the back door, Lance hot on his heels. He got through the door and tried to slam it behind him but Lance was too fast, grabbing at Scott and missing by a fraction of an inch. Scott fled across the yard, painfully aware of his lack of shoes, and out onto the street. Lance hadn't given up and Scott was forced to redouble his efforts to escape. It was no good; Lance caught Scott's wrist and pulled him backwards. Scott stumbled and landed on his ass.

"I'll kill you, you _turd_!" Lance raised his fist, ready to smash it into Scott's face. Scott whipped off his shades and knocked Lance over backward with an optic blast before scrambling to his feet and running off.

At the corner, he turned to glance behind him. Lance was struggling to get to his feet, clearly not put off by the blast, so Scott decided to keep on running. By the time he got to Bayville High he decided he'd lost Lance and stopped, doubling over to try to catch his breath. After a few minutes he felt able to go on and went to Forge's house.

The boy answered the door and gave Scott a wary glance. "Are you gonna try and kill me again?"

"What are you talking about…never mind. I'm here because I'm from another dimension and your stupid gizmo blasted me here and now I need to get home!"

"Really?" Forge stepped aside to let Scott in. "I knew that thing would work!"

"You keep saying that," muttered Scott. "So you have invented it here then?"

"Yeah, wait a moment." Forge went off to get the trans-dimensional device and when he returned, he was talking on a cordless phone. Scott was about to ask who it was when he heard Forge say, "Sure I've seen him Lance. He's right here…"

Scott grabbed the phone and hit the cut-off button. "Why did you tell him that? He's trying to kill me!"

"Sorry, I didn't know it was a secret." Forge began fiddling with the device. "So what dimension are you from then?"

"Well, I'm leader of the X-Men and I'm dating Jean Grey."

"Jean Grey?"

"Yeah."

"_My_ Jean?"

"Uh, did I say Jean Grey? I meant Jean, uh, Blue!"

"You want me to send you to a world where you're banging my girlfriend? Not likely!"

"The thing is, in my universe she's not…"

"I'll send you back where you belong all right!" Forge fired the gun at Scott and he vanished in a flash of blue light.


	14. Pink And Blue

Thanks to:

Todd Fan – I knew Scott would try to get out of it somehow and that's just the stupid thing that _I'd_ say!

Lyranfan – Yay! Loads of reviews! I try to add some stuff that's just random to keep people guessing. I like Emma but I'm not into her and Scott at all. And I think Scott might have learned his lesson about mentioning previous dates…about time!

Little Miss Tiny Shoes – Another vote for Jott, it's way out in the lead now! So looks like Scott might be getting home after all. Not like it's going to be all happiness when he gets back…

Southern Goth Gal – thanks for all the reviews sis! Jean as a pothead – I just got the image of her wearing bellbottoms and smoking a joint and laughed out loud imagining what Scott would say.

Miss Ginny – I will be revealing what goes on in Scott's home dimension in a later chapter. Scott's learning his lesson about mentioning his laydeez (or gents) to Forge, finally!

TheDreamerLady – Another reader in therapy – my work here is done! The thought of Xavier scared even me, so I don't think I'll be having too much more of that ::shudders::

Ingrid – I'm glad you liked the story!

Randomnity – Wow, I think your reviews are weirder than my stories! You know what they say about stroking your wookie…do you often get teenage Star Wars nuts at your house? I thought that just happened to me!

Rogue14 – There will be two chapters after this one. Because I used up the first chapter with my random thoughts we're actually only on date 14 and I'm gonna put up an epilogue chapter too.

LadyEvils – Yeah, some one had to like the iron I guess! And I don't do very well at happy endings so I guess even if Scott gets home it won't be all plain sailing…

Disclaimer: Some one shot the disclaimer. I buried it in the back yard and made a little cross out of lollipop sticks.

**Author Note:** Has anyone else noticed that in the episode 'Uprising', as soon as Leech negates Spyke's powers his undercrackers immediately rise above the waist of his pants? They aren't that high in the rest of the episode when he's all spiky, you can't see them at all. Makes you think, huh?

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Scott was pleasantly surprised when he opened his eyes and found himself in his own room. A good start. Hearing a noise by the mirror, he sat up and glanced at the person standing there.

Jean.

"Al-_right_! I'm home!" He leapt out of bed, unmindful of his nudity, and threw his arms around a startled Jean. "And I don't have boobs or _anything_!"

"That's really nice dear." Jean extracted herself from his grip and turned to face him. "Will I do?"

Scott eyed her clothes. "You don't usually wear pink. You always say it clashes with your hair – not that I think it does! It looks nice!"

"Your right." Jean's pink shirt suddenly seemed to _move_ and changed into her familiar yellow one.

Scott blinked in confusion. "Is that a new trick?"

"Don't be ridiculous. If I'm going to sneak out of the mansion, I have to pass for one of the X-Men. I can't just go through the mansion all blue."

"All blue?"

"Looking like myself. Must you always be such an imbecile in the mornings?"

"Looking like yourself?"

"Oh for…" Jean's body began to change, her skin turning blue. Scott let out a cry of alarm, took a step backward and fell onto the bed. "_Mystique_!?"

"Who else?" Mystique morphed back into Jean. "Did you think I was really Jean Grey?"

"Well…"

"Is there something I should know about you two?"

"No!"

"I thought you two were just team-mates!"

"We are! I swear, uh, Raven, there's nothing going on between me and Jean!"

"I should have realised when you called me her name when you woke up! You treacherous _scum_!"

"Now look, um, my bluebell, there's absolutely nothing for you to worry about!"

"Oh no?" Mystique pulled out a large gun seemingly from nowhere and pointed it at Scott. "I've got something here for you to worry about! I'll teach you to cheat on me!"

"GAAAH!" Scott rolled off the bed just in time. Mystique pulled the trigger and suddenly the room was filled with flying feathers. In the confusion, Scott slipped through the door and ran for the exit.

"Get back here!" Mystique, still disguised as Jean, chased after Scott, firing bullets at him. Scott managed to dodge them all – one of the major laws of physics is that a bullet will never hit its naked target when shot by a pissed off shapeshifter disguised as a pissed off telepath – and practically fell down the stairs in his rush to get away from her. He raced toward the door as Mystique paused at the top of the stairs and fired at him, leaving holes in the floor and furniture and breaking three windows. Scott burst through the front doors, tripped over Roberto and landed in an ungainly sprawl on the floor.

"What are you doing?" asked Roberto, shielding his eyes to avoid looking at Scott's knackers.

"Yeah," added Jean, sat beside him. "Why don't you put on some clothes before you go jogging?"

Before Scott could comment on the fact that Roberto and Jean were holding hands, Mystique crashed through the front doors and took aim. Scott screamed, scrambled to his feet and fled, Mystique in hot pursuit.

Jean frowned. "Did you just see me chasing a naked Scott with a big gun?"

"Yeah," said Roberto, his face hopeful. "Do you have a twin you were saving for my birthday?"

"Don't push your luck." Jean slapped him around the back of the head.

Scott was aware of the snowy ground as he ran, barefoot and naked, in the direction of Forge's house but his main concern was the crazy woman blasting at him, although frostbite of the testes was not something he was keen on sampling. Mystique was still shooting at him and he wondered desperately where she bought her guns. Why didn't it ever run out of bullets?

He turned a corner and felt one of the bullets graze across his ass, removing a layer of skin. He yelped and tried to force his legs to go faster. Mystique rounded the corner after him and paused for a moment to get a better aim on Scott. He threw himself to the floor and wriggled under a hedge, cursing the snow-covered ground and his lack of pants. He emerged a moment later and ran through the garden, jumped a hedge, tore through that garden and exited through the gate. Mystique was nowhere in sight, probably having ducked into the garden Scott had escaped into. Nursing his chilly willy, Scott stumbled in the direction of Forge's house.

As soon as he got to the house, he began hammering on the door; cursing the day they ever rescued Forge from middleverse. When he got back to his own dimension, he'd have to consider killing Kurt as well. It was his fault they found Forge. For that matter, he'd kill Rogue too.

"Scott!" Forge grimaced as he saw the nudity. "Where the heck are your pants?"

"It's a long story. Can I come in? It's pretty cold out here and I forgot my thermals."

"I guess." Forge stood aside and let Scott in. "So, why are you here without any clothes on? And don't tell me it's the fashion this millennium! Kurt already got me with that trick. I'm still banned from the mall."

Scott shuddered at the image. "I'm from an alternate dimension, you sent me here with your stupid gun and now I'm being chased through the streets by psycho Mystique!"

"Wow. So, she can disguise herself as _any_ girl?"

"Well, she's pretty versatile – hey, that's not the point! You have to get me home!"

"Wait here." Forge went and got the gun from his room, bringing it back with a pink dressing gown. "This is my moms. Wear it. I'm not eyeballing your bits any longer than I have to!"

Scott put on the dressing gown, noting the bunnies on the pocket and wondering how badly it would clash with his shades. Forge fiddled with the gun. "So, what universe are you from?"

"Wait." Scott remembered the trouble he'd had in previous alternate worlds. "Who are _you_ dating?"

"Wanda of course! Who else would I be dating?"

"Oh, no one. I'm from a universe where I'm dating Jean and I'm the leader of the X-Men and Mystique has nothing to do with me!"

"Are you sure you want to go home if Mystique's so versatile? You could have anyone you wanted all wrapped up in the same blue package!"

"Uh…no."

"Your loss." Forge fiddled with the gun some more and Scott let his attention wander. He glanced out of the window and noticed a large owl sitting on the windowsill. He frowned. Surely owls were nocturnal?

The owl suddenly transformed into a wolf and burst through the glass. Scott screamed again as the wolf morphed into Mystique. She glared at him, pulling the iron out of some hidden place.

"I'm going to beat you to death with this," she snarled. "I don't believe you bought me an iron for Christmas! I'm always naked! What would I need an iron for? And don't tell me you mixed up my present with Jean's!"

"Forge!" Scott leapt to his feet. "Shoot me! Shoot me now!"

"You asked for it. "Forge blasted at Scott and the boy vanished in a flash of blue light.

Forge turned his attention to Mystique. "You know, you're going to have to pay for that window."


	15. Going Down

Thanks to:

Dragon Master – Glad you liked it so much!

Raphaella – Scott was naked in the first chapter too! I've spared him nudity here but then, I've got something more evil in store…

Goblyn-Queen – I love your screen name, why didn't I think of that? Glad you liked it!

Demonestress – There would be obvious advantages to dating Mystique – it would be like dating anyone Scott ever fancied at any given time! That would be cool…

Southern Goth Gal – Thanks sis! I think Scott might appreciate his own world a little more now – if he ever gets back there of course!

WayTooEvil – I'm glad you liked it!

Heartsyhawk – One more chapter after this one. Scott could never look at Jean in quite the same way again…Hey, I've got one of those hug-me jackets! I get let out of it a couple of hours every day so that I can write this stuff and encourage others to need them too…

Lyranfan – I tried to incorporate the iron idea into the chapter but I couldn't find a way around it – but the iron will be back in the final chapter! And there will be more Scott torment (he's so much fun to torture, ha ha!)

Randomnity – I robbed the wookie joke from a song! Pharaoh outfit huh? I get to borrow that next time I go to a fancy dress party!

Rogue14 – Scott and Jean's clone were married with a kid and Scott married Jean but they had no kids but they did in an alternate dimension – wow, Scotty has the most confusing life ever! Except maybe for Logan.

LadyEvils – Yeah, Scott getting paranoid every time Jean leaves his sight in case Mystique comes back would be funny! Trauma for Scott coming up!

Todd Fan – Scott blaming everyone but himself, that's so like him!

Spyder616 – The other dimensions Scott's may have sore feet from running through the snow but Mystique's Scott must have cold balls ;)

UncannyAsianGirl – Eww, Mystique can make pockets in her skin? I find that surprisingly distasteful. The 'defiantly' thing was a typo, my computer fixed my mistake automatically and I didn't notice – bad PB! I should proof read more closely. Rogue's gonna find some thing out about what Scott's been through but I doubt she'll be sympathetic…

TheDreamerLady – I had no idea that was Bobby's nickname! Scott's other power pissing off his dates would be cool. But he manages to escape that here. Kinda.

Disclaimer: None of the characters contained herein are mine. Well, I guess Forge's mummy kinda is. Does that count?

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Scott was afraid to open his eyes. He had no guarantee that he was home again and judging by some of the universes he had woken up in, there were scary places out there…

He was cold.

There was a definite draft coming from somewhere and he could hear the drip of water from nearby. The only part of him that was warm was his left arm and the left side of his body and that was because there was some one snuggled up beside him, keeping him warm.

With a feeling of dread, he opened his eyes.

The first thing he realised was that he could see in colour. Not the shades of red that he identified as colours but in actual colours. It was dark, but he could make out the white of the blanket that covered him and the pale skin of his arm with the dark coating of hair that he usually saw as a pale pink through his shades.

Suddenly unmindful of where he was or whom he was with, he reached a hand up to touch his face. Sure enough, he wasn't wearing his shades and yet he wasn't blowing anything up.

Elated, he sat up. Maybe this was the world for him. He'd always dreamed of being able to see the world properly and now he could. No matter where he was, surely he could win Jean over, take over leadership of the X-Men, get his life back and yet still have his sight.

"What are you doing?" The woman beside him sounded sleepy and she rolled over to face him. "You going somewhere?"

Scott gaped as he realised who he was sharing a blanket with. "_Callisto_?"

"What?"

"Uh…nothing." Scott scrambled from beneath the blanket and took stock of his body. He was wearing his jeans – it was way too cold to go without – but his stomach seemed fine. Then he got to his chest…

"GAAAAH!"

Callisto sat up and glared at him through her one good eye. "Why are you screaming?"

Scott glanced around and realised he was in the sewers. The dripping water came from a pipe leading to the water supply. The cold was due to the lack of heating or enclosed space. And his chest was covered in a bony plate that could only be described as spikes.

"Oh _shit_!"

"Scott, what is it?" Callisto approached him, looking concerned.

"Uh, nothing. How long have I had these spikes?"

"Ever since your powers manifested," replied Callisto in confusion. "You came down here when they became uncontrollable – have you got amnesia or something?"

"No, just wondered if you were going to get me something for the anniversary," replied Scott, rather proud of his inventiveness.

"You are so self absorbed!" Callisto put her hands on her hips and glared at him. "In case you haven't noticed, most of our food comes from dumpsters and you want presents for meaningless milestones?"

"Of course not! I was just, uh, joking."

"Oh. Well good." Callisto seemed unconvinced.

Scott took another look at the plates covering his skin and felt around his face. Sure enough, there were bony protrusions there to. "Um, Callisto, I have to go up there."

"Topside? Why?"

"I just need to talk to some one."

"Who?"

"Forge."

"Not again. Look, there's no way that Forge could invent something to control your mutation. Last time you mentioned it, you said you didn't want it controlled, you liked being the way you were."

"Yeah, I know. I just, uh…"

"This is about that spike through your penis isn't it? I told you, it looks rather fetching."

"Spike through my _what_!?" Scott got to his knees and cautiously looked down the waistband of his pants. "GAAAAH!"

"I don't see that it's a problem as long as it doesn't tear your pants," continued Callisto. "And you know it just grows back when you try to pull it out…Scott? Hey, where did he go?"

Scott fled through the sewers in a panic. No amount of vision was worth what was happening to his poor todge. He found a ladder leading to the surface and scurried up, shoving the cover off the manhole and emerging in an alley. He took two steps toward the street then stopped.

_What if some one sees me?_

He might have got clothes on this time but his upper body was covered in bony spikes. People would look at him and stare. On the other hand, he was used to that ever since the whole Sentinel incident. He couldn't stay in an alley until dark; he was just going to have to chance it.

Feigning nonchalance, Scott walked out of the alley and ran into Jean as she headed for a café nearby.

"Scott!" She looked surprised to see him. "It's been a while. How are you?"

"I've got a bone through my cock. You?"

"Uh…same as ever." Jean smiled, clearly at a loss for something to say. "How was your Christmas? Did Callisto like her iron?"

"Who wouldn't?" muttered Scott feeling slightly bitter. It was Jean's fault he was in this situation. If she'd been a little more grateful he would never have even been at Forge's house."

"Well, I have to go now – I'm meeting Evan for breakfast."

"_Evan_? Storm's nephew?"

"I know you haven't been with the X-Men for a while now, but I'd expect you to remember one of your old team-mates. Yes, Evan Storm's nephew."

Scott glanced down at his spikes. "Remind me, what's his power again?"

"Optic blasts. You've been living in the sewer too long if you can't even remember that. You know, you're welcome to come back to the mansion if you want."

"Right now, I have places to go and you have to meet Evan." Scott hesitated for a moment. "Are you two – dating?"

Jean grinned. "Yeah. As soon as I realised what a jerk Duncan was and how Evan was always around for me I began to feel differently about him. He's so sweet, gave me the biggest box of chocolates for Christmas and this ring…" She extended her arm so Scott could see the slim gold band on her forefinger. "Anyway, I'll be late. See you later!" She hurried into the café and Scott looked through the window jealously as she went over to the corner table and Evan stood up to kiss her cheek, wearing ruby quartz shades and totally spikeless.

"Wow, look at that guy!"

The whisper brought him out of his reverie and he hurried in the direction of Forge's house, ignoring the stares that his appearance caused. He was almost sorry for Evan having to go through the same thing every time he left the sewers, until he remembered the boy kissing _his_ girlfriend.

Forge's house loomed up in the distance and Scott ran up and banged on the door. It was opened a minute or so later by Forge's mother.

"Uh, hi Mrs Forge," said Scott nervously. "I need to speak to your son."

"Come on in," she said, letting him in and walking behind him. Too close behind him. Scott jumped as she pinched his butt.

"What are you doing?"

"My hand slipped," she said, batting her eyelashes at him.

"Right, OK, uh…FORGE!"

Forge appeared at the top of the stairs and looked down at him. "Scott! Haven't seen you in an age. Since when did your spikes go out of control?"

"It's not the only thing out of control," muttered Scott as he felt a hand creeping across his buttocks. "Look, I'm from another dimension and I need you to get me home!"

"Forge!" Mrs Forge put her hands on her hips, much to Scott's relief, and glared up at the boy. "Did you test one of your dangerous toys on this nice young man?"

"Not in this dimension…"

"I don't care _what_ dimension you were in! You are _not_ to use inter-dimensional devices on others! Get down here and send this boy back to his own world and as soon as you do you are _grounded_."

"Aw, mom." Forge shoved his hands in his pockets and disappeared back into his bedroom.

"Now – Scott wasn't it? Can I get you something? Coffee, tea…me?"

"NO! Uh, no thanks Mrs Forge." Scott fled into the living room and sat a chair that gave the woman no opportunity to sit beside him. It was like the gay Forge universe all over again.

Forge wandered into the room with the gun that resembled a pink hairdryer. His mother folded her arms and glared. "You make sure you send him back to the right universe this time. Why can't you ever play nicely with your friends? This is just like the time you sent your history teacher back in time when he gave you a bad grade."

"I was ten!"

"That's no excuse. Now send Scott home!"

"Fine." Forge glared at Scott. "What universe are you from?"

"I have optic blasts, I'm leader of the X-Men and I'm dating Jean Grey."

"Yeah right," laughed Forge. "You and Jean, that's likely – OUCH!"

Mrs Forge swatted him across the head again. "Send him back to that universe."

"Fine." Forge fiddled with the gun, his mother leaning over his shoulder the whole time. She slapped his head again when he tried to set it to 'boyfriend' and sulkily Forge set it to the right setting.

"I want the old Scott back anyway," he said as he aimed the gun. "He wasn't an asshole."

Scott didn't get the chance to reply as the gun fired and he disappeared in a flash of blue light.

Mrs Forge glanced at the spot where Scott had been moments before. "Did you send him back to the right place?"

"Yeah yeah," said Forge. "At least I think so."

"You'd better _hope_ so," replied his mother. "Because if he didn't you're grounded for a year!"

"How will you even know?"

"I'm like Santa – I know everything!"


	16. Epilogue

Thanks to:

Telepathic Angel – I didn't get your review until I posted the last chapter! Sorry. You're right about the fast updates, but because this is the last chapter there will be no more – well, not on this story anyway ::cackles madly::

LadyEvils – If a bloke is messing you about tell his mum – a lesson I've learned from men who thought they could get the better of me. But they all fear mummy! Evan deserves a little lurve – but only a little.

TheDreamerLady – Weirdly, it's not Scott getting the therapy in the epilogue! Although it should be…

Randomnity – Disintegration tends to happen when the stolen clothes are off a very old mummy…make the skeleton send me a postcard!

Spyder616 – Grounding me for something an alternate version of me had done is something my mum would do ::sobs:: I thought it might be nice for Scott to get some one else's powers in one universe and for some reason Evan's just appealed.

Disclaimer:

**Author Note: **This is the final chapter of the story. I'd like to thank everyone who read it, especially those of who reviewed. If you'd like to check out some of my other fics I currently have two in progress, a humour called 'Viva Lost Wages' and a serious fic called 'And I feel Fine'. Aside from those there are five completed stories on fanfic, a humour, two romances and two action/adventure. Feel free to take a look!

Also, apologies to anyone who may have reviewed but not gotten a mention. Fanfic isn't sending me any reviews at the moment.

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Scott sat bolt upright, determined to get the worst out of the way as soon as possible so he could get on with finding Forge and jumping to another dimension. It was getting a little tedious.

The room was the one he had always had in the mansion in his own universe, but that didn't make him feel any better. He'd woken up in it in a bunch of other dimensions too. He was also wearing pyjamas but that wasn't totally new. He woke up like that in one of the other worlds, just before being jumped by Jubilee.

A glance around told him that there was no one else in the room so Scott got out of bed and dressed quickly, before the other shoe could drop. Rather than hang about the mansion longer than he had to, he decided to hurry straight over to Forge's and find out what the deal was in this place.

As he snuck down the stairs, a telepathic voice spoke in his head – the Professor. _Scott, could you come to the community room please?_

Scott winced as he remembered his last glimpse of the Professor – tied up and slick with oil in bed with Pyro. But there was little choice in the matter; he had to go to the Community Room to find out what was going on. He could always make his escape when his actions weren't being psychically monitored.

When he walked into the Community Room, he was surprised to see not only the X-Men but also the Brotherhood, Evan and Forge. Everyone turned and glared at him.

Scott looked around uneasily. "What?"

"Is that him Chuck?" Logan popped his claws and gave Scott a smile. Well, the corners of his mouth turned up and he showed his teeth.

"That's the Scott originally from our dimension," replied the Professor.

"You mean…this is where I'm supposed to be?" Scott didn't believe it for a moment. He crossed the room and grabbed Forge by the front of his shirt. "Who's my girlfriend? Who's Jean dating? What are my powers? _Whaaaaat?_"

"Uh, Jean's your girlfriend, she's dating you and your powers are optic blasts." Forge disentangled himself from Scott's grip and sat back down. "You know, going to another dimension for a girlfriend check was _your_ idea."

"I'm home?" Scott whirled around, spied Jean in a chair and threw himself at her feet. "I'm sorry about the iron! I'll go buy you something else! There's no place like home, there's no place like home…"

"Get _off_ me!" Jean looked seriously annoyed, even more so than when she'd got the iron in the first place. "You have some serious explaining to do. You went to another dimension to see if you could get a better date?"

"It wasn't like that! It was all Forge's fault – he got me drunk!"

"You owe us _all_ an explanation," said Rogue irritably. "One moment you're nowhere to be found, the next you come into my room and say something _disgusting_ that I'm not gonna repeat – let's just say it involved Leech, a video camera and a gimp mask – then you vanish into thin air!"

"And then," continued Lance, who looked more amused than angry. "You show up at our place and stick your tongue down Pietro's throat!"

The Brotherhood all went into hysterics, save for Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch.

"And no sooner have you run from my barrage of hair gel, still shouting your love for me – thanks for that Summers, now all the neighbours think I'm gay – you reappear in a flash of blue light and grope my sister!" Pietro leant back and folded his arms. "It's lucky Toad managed to slime you before you needed to be surgically removed from her throat!"

"It's lucky I was at the keyhole because Wanda was too stunned to hex you!" Toad gazed in adoration at Wanda as she flushed, trying to ignore the curious looks of the X-Men.

"And then you arrived back here in a flash of blue light _again_," said Jean. "You proceeded to go through my wardrobe, put on my favourite skirt and _ruin_ my expensive blouse with your stupid attractive muscular torso and pranced around the house shouting, "I've grown testicles! I'm really gonna enjoy this!"

"Oh _god_." Scott covered his face as Bobby pulled out some Polaroid's and a digital camera.

"And then you vanish again," said Jubilee. "And reappear a few minutes later, grab my butt and give it a squeeze, see Logan and run away screaming that you never touched me!"

"I was giving chase when you disappeared into thin air," said Logan.

"And then you reappeared in our house and attacked me!" Toad looked horrified by the memory as the others sniggered. "You said I'd promised to have a shower. That's just cruel."

"We chased you out again and decided to come here and tell you to stop propositioning us," said Lance. "But when we arrived, you were telling Kurt you were going to ditch Todd because we were all psycho and he needed to finish with Jean."

An injured looking Kurt nodded. "Ja, I went to ask Jean if I had amnesia and she hit me over the head with an iron!"

"And then you vanished again," said Lance. "We began to wonder if something was wrong, so we came in and spoke to Jean…"

"And then you came running down the stairs yelling about how no one understands you and just because you're dating X-23 doesn't mean your gay." Jean gave Scott a very suspicious look. "And then you vanished. Again."

"You reappeared at my house," said Forge. "I thought it was you coming back from your alternate universe until you shoved your tongue down my throat and your hands down my pants."

"It took me four hours to calm him down," said the Professor.

"And then," said Bobby, sniggering. "You turned up back here where we're having a training session with Logan, put your hand on his ass and ask if he's looking forward to your romantic weekend away!"

Scott glanced over at Logan in horror. Logan growled and popped his claws.

"We managed to restrain him before he did _too_ much damage," said Sam.

"And we managed to free him so he could do some more damage," said Lance with a smirk.

"But then you vanished again," said Pietro sadly. "And I was about to win twenty dollars for your being disembowelled."

"So then Logan came to me," said the Professor calmly. "I'll spare you the details of what he had planned for you. When you entered the room I had to use my mental powers to stop him stabbing you. However, when you told me you thought you'd left me in your room covered in oil with Pyro I had to release my mental hold on him."

"I never knew you could run that fast," growled Logan.

"And then you vanished from the woods and reappeared back at the mansion," said the Professor. "You were quite surprised to see me. You said I'd gone to live in a place called Genosha with Magneto and Jean was dead and you were co-headmaster of the school with a young lady we've never heard of. Then you vanished again. At this point we realised the Brotherhood might be right about something being wrong."

"Our theory was confirmed when you wandered into the kitchen and began looking for a snack." Storm glanced at Scott sternly, but there was a smile pulling at her lips. "You said that Logan had given you some 'killer weed' and now you had the munchies. And wasn't I in the middle of a gang-bang with Hank, Pietro, Forge, Tabby and Kitty?"

"I _said_ that?" Scott knew he wouldn't be able to look any of them in the eye again.

"And then you said the others might be hungry too and would they like some butter? And when I asked who 'they' were, you told me…"

"Stop!" Scott remembered who 'they' were well enough. "I can explain everything – except maybe the butter, I've no idea what that was about."

"And then you vanished," finished Storm.

"And then you reappeared in my room," said Kitty, looking cross. "You told me you could sneak away easily because 'that asshole Lance' could never catch you."

"You came creeping down the stairs," continued Lance with a scowl. "Saw me in here, yelled that I could never stop you and Kitty from seeing each other and ran away like a scared little girl!"

"And then you came back to the mansion," said Jean angrily. "Commented on my disguise and said you preferred me blue and homicidal any day!"

"About that," said Scott nervously. "Are you really Jean?"

Jean narrowed her eyes and a vase lifted from a table and smashed over Scott's head. "OUCH! Alright, I was only asking!"

"You were out cold from the iron – it's a bit the worse for wear since I hit you and Kurt over the head with it – when you suddenly vanished." Jean leaned back in her seat. "And that wasn't even the worst part."

"The worst part was when you suddenly walked down the stairs and started yelling about how you couldn't produce spikes any more," said Rogue. "Then you took off your shades and started blasting holes in things. Have you seen what you've done to my bedroom door?"

"Then you ran into the sewers, scared the crap out of us and vanished into thin air." Evan glared out from the corner. "You said I'd stolen your powers and tried to de-spike me! Then you showed me your cock and said I'd stolen it!"

"Oh _god_." Scott blushed.

"I don't know why Jean stays with you to be honest…"

"Shut up Evan!"

"Forge told me all about your little experiment with the trans-dimensional device," said Jean. "How _dare_ you go gallivanting off to another universe just to date other people!"

"I've learned my lesson!" Scott threw himself at her feet again, wrapping his arms around her ankles. "I've been to all the different universes out there and I know the best place to be is here and the best time to be is now!"

"Are you sure this isn't hippy Scott?" asked Lance. "Because that's a line from Bill and Ted."

"I mean it!" Scott gazed up at Jean with a puppy dog expression. "I've realised that I can never be happier than I am right here! I'll make up for the iron, I'll buy you a big gold ring if I can find one on Ebay – " He caught the expression on Jean's face. "- Forget Ebay, I'll buy you a nice new one, a relatively inexpensive – fine, an _expensive_ one!"

"It had _better _be expensive!" Jean tried to keep her expression stern. "Because after the whole iron for Christmas thing and then heading off into alternate universes to screw around with other people, you need to do a _ton_ of grovelling!"

"Not to mention all the extra training room sessions you've got," added Logan.

"And the therapy you owe me," said Forge.

"And the hair gel you owe me," finished Pietro.

"So everything's back to normal," said Kitty happily. "Hey Lance, want to go back to your place and make out?"

"I'm there!" Lance followed Kitty out of the door.

"I need to go see Amanda," said Kurt, teleporting away.

"We have to go and do New Recruit things," said Amara as the New Recruits left.

"Thank God," said Scott fervently. "This really is my universe. Everything's just the way it should be."

"I knew one of my alternates would get it right in the end," said Forge as he stood up. "Ready to go home darling? I'll give you a nice massage!"

"Sure," replied Fred, pulling himself to his feet and planting a lip lock on Forge.

A vein in Scott's forehead began to bulge.

"_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!_"


End file.
